AUGUST, 2010


8-1-10 -  DREAM   I was looking at a large flower and then writing about it.  it has so many tiny petals on it that they were uncountable.  I commented about it that the outer petals were colored as though they were jewels.   It was breathtakingly beautiful.

8-1-10 - DREAM -  I was with my daughter in a downtown area and we decided to go to lunch in a restaurant - one of those friendly kinds where there were long tables where groups could gather.

As we walked along the sidewalk, there was a man standing with a craggy face who apparently worked at the same place my daughter and I did, and he looked pathetically lonely because he didn't have anyone to go to lunch with for some reason, so I waved at him to come along with us, and he got a big smile on his face and followed us over to the restaurant.

My daughter and I sat on one side of the table, and the craggy faced man and another man insisted on sitting directly across from me, so much so, they were almost on the same chair.  They pushed their chairs together so close you couldn't get a finger hold between them.  Neither of them liked that the other guy was that close to him, but they insisted on being directly across from me.

That event started a rivalry between them, that they both thought they deserved all my attention.

I liked the craggy faced man because he reminded me of someone I used to know very well, and the other man was a dear friend, so I had a hard time deciding who I preferred to be with later on.

But, now when we went to lunch after this initial meeting, the men fought for my attention and particularly at lunch, they both had to be directly across from me.

It  might have been funny, had it not been so pathetic.



DREAM - I don't know the time frame of this dream, but it was so unusual, it was drilled into my head.

We had eight feet of snow overnight, and in the morning, either we shoveled or we didn't leave the house for anything until it melted in spring.

It seemed that we were in the same house we live in now, but there were other people around and kids I don't know who they are.

I was outside shoveling the snow and it was really cold out, and at the end I commented more than once,, "When it gets up to 35 degrees, it'll feel really comfortable."

When were shoveling the driveway, there were crunched up pieces of tree bark, probably pine, and chunks of other wood about 6 inches across that looked like they had been cut from trees.  I asked my shoveling male companion whether I should shovel the wood right along with the snow, or whether I should put it in a separate pile.

There was so much wood chips in the snow at that point, my companion said, "You may as well shovel it all together.  We can sort it out later. "

After we were done shoveling, we went inside to watch TV, and the news was on, showing a woman reporter driving in a large vehicle across the Tuolumne River which is off of the downtown area of Waterford, CA, where we've never had snow.

It was rather scary because with all the snow, the road was not as wide as normal, and as she was driving south on the highway, a snow plow was coming north - right on the bridge crossing the river.

The camera panned over to the side of the bridge, and someone had actually driven a plow down on the river ice and plowed under the bridge to remove the snow that had been plowed over the edge of the bridge while it was snowing.  All that snow was a dirty brown color, probably from traffic, but there was so much dark snow, it is probably more likely it was full of ash from a volcano as well.


8-2-10 - DREAM -  I was counting the squares on an upside-down bowl, and when I got to 16 I opened my eyes.

8-2-10 - DREAM - I was creating what looked like a flower pot holder out of individual pieces of white curving wire.  There were seven legs in the center, and three wires on each side to hold it up.  I then started adding layers of extra white curving wire to make it higher by several layers.  When I was done, I started counting the pieces of wire  I had used and when I got to 16 I opened my eyes.


8-3-10 - DREAM   John McBain - the cop from One Life to Live was my guardian in this dream.

I went to some kind of performance in a small auditorium, and the fat comedian was the type that pick on people and make fun of them, and he did that to me, acting like was dressed like a ghost or a goat with horns. (Since I'm a Capricorn - that is appropriate I guess).  But John McBain didn't like that and he took me out of there.

On the sidewalk outside, a woman walking by asked me how much weighed and what size I was.  I thought that was rather rude, but I answered, "I'm usually a size 14, but at Lane Bryant I'm a 10.  She snapped back - "I'm a 10 at Lane Bryant too."

John and I kept walking to the car and I exclaimed how rude that was to ask someone their weight and size in pubic.

John is a man of few words, and he just took me somewhere else.  I'm not sure whose house we went to, but he was very caring of me and my person and guarded me carefully until I woke up.  It felt quite romantic without being actually romantic.  I appreciated that he watched out for me.


8-4 and 8-5-10 - Two days in a row I dreamed about living in a house with a lot of people and trying to figure out how much things cost.


8-5-10 - DREAM  I was looking at a diamond-shaped card that was two-sided.  On both sides it described myself, using large flowery words. 

I can't remember what it said, but I was very impressed by the size of the words whoever wrote it used.


8-5-10 - NAP DREAM -  I seemed to be in my current house, though it didn't have all the books in it that it really has.  Besides that, my Father was there and he's been deceased  since the early 1970's.

I was looking out the window towards the east in the middle of the afternoon watching the moon come up, which was quite large.

Someone behind me said, "Do you see planet Uranus" right behind it?"

I looked again and saw this huge white with blue speckles round thing in the sky right behind the moon, and exclaimed, "How come I couldn't see it until you told me was there.?"

I was completely stunned because I didn't see it until someone pointed it out to me and it was HUGE!

Then, as I watched a huge five-sided UFO appeared.  It was really ugly - reddish-brown - it almost looked like it was made of brick - 5 sided ring around 5 sided ring, and there were 5 rings like that.  As soon as I saw it, I threw myself on the floor in front of the fireplace for protection so it couldn't see me through the stone.

My Father was standing and looking out the window on the other side of the fireplace.  I asked him, "Don't you see the UFO?"

He looked astonished as the UFO was now larger than the window was somehow in the sky at it started to go over the house.

My Father said, "That's a UFO?"  -   the OOOOO  trailed after him and he ran across the house and out the door facing west and he chased it across the yard, trying to get closer to see it better.

I ran after him because I thought I should protect him somehow, and when I got to the door, I saw a truck out there - rather like a pick up truck with an open top where the cab should be.

There was a telephone on the dashboard, and I picked up the receiver to call my friend Michelle and tell her that we had a UFO going over our house, but I couldn't get the phone to connect, and saw that the wires weren't connected.

I couldn't see the UFO now anyway, so I ran back into the house to use the regular phone, and I couldn't get that to work either, and woke up.


8=5=2- = NAP DREAM - Apparently I was a rental agent for an apartment building.  I saw my female boss go into a corner apartment and close the door.

A few minutes later, another woman came along, who looked like a rental agent out to check out other people's apartments, so as we neared that corner apartment, I told her, "This is the last apartment we have available and nobody is moving out either."

I thought that would impress her and apparently it did from the look of surprise on her face.

We got down to the apartment and the door was locked which surprised me because I didn't see my boss leave the apartment.

So, I reached down to my pocket to get the key out to that apartment.  The key was very tiny - like a mailbox key.

Apparently I was surprised at that, because I woke up.


*8=6=10 -  I slept with Colloid Silver in my ear overnight so I couldn't hear out of it.  When I sat up, it dribbled out down my neck.

DREAM - I was at a church and the choir gathered together to go sing at the adjacent school, and I followed them.

When we got there, the children had rather made a mess on the grounds and it all had to be picked up and put away so I helped them.

One of the mothers had done her daughter's laundry and she had 7 daughters, so she had carefully washed each child's clothing separately because it all looked alike except for size and she'd never figure out which child's clothing went to which child if she didn't do it that way.  It was all absolutely identical hanging on the lines.  Brown, pink, and white plaid suits coats and skirts, and white socks, and white underwear.  It all looked rather cute hanging on the wash line.

Her little boy was much smaller, so I helped him pick up his things, and held him in my arms to help him with his snowsuit and socks and shoes.  I said to him, "Let Mommy help you!" and his mother turned on me like I was the enemy from anther country and said,  "I'm his mother"

I said, "Of course you are, but I'm a Mommy too," and she insisted that she was the Mommy, not me, and then her husband started in on me as well, so I had to just leave that statement alone and let her have her pride that 'she' was the Mommy. Not me!"

I was going to ride in the car with my Father and Mother and siblings, but that delay with the little boy made my father leave without me, and I caught up to the car just as my Father drove through a lane that was too narrow with shopping carts on both sides.

So my Father got out of the car, and started moving and stacking shopping carts away from his car, and I ran up to help him, and saw that the carts said, "Daily Rapids."  so I knew what city we were in. 


8-6-10 - This dream reminds me of phone calls I used to get when I worked for the locksmith because we had four phone numbers published in the Yellow Pages, and they all transferred to my own person al p hone when I was on duty.

This is how the dream went:

I answered the phone and the customer said, "I called the phone number nearest to my house."  and I replied,, "You realize that we are mobile."

and I woke up.

I'm pretty sure this wasn't a memory of my past job but the memories relate to the current time and I'm saying, "I'm mobile and willing to relocate."


8-7-10 - DREAM -  No details from this dream, but I was in a large white building with a lot of people and everyone was happy.


8-7-10 - DREAM -  I was visiting a hospital somewhere - perhaps Tennessee and found out that VA rights were taken away from people because some Veteran had raped a woman and the whole hospital suffered because of that one man.

I was also told that if I wrote a letter to the hospital and the governor of the state, it could make a difference that VA rights could be returned to people.

NOTE:  Evidently, this is true, but I need to investigate this further. to see if its still the case in actuality.

If so, I will write the letter. to the appropriate people.


8-7-10 - DREAM - I was sitting on the couch and talking to someone who was standing in the southeast corner of the room, when the phone rang and my daughter-in-law Becky was calling.  I was talking to Becky because I haven't talked to her in several months, and the person in the corner said, "Why are you talking on the phone to someone when you have an Andrmedan speaking to you in the same room?"

I looked back at the person I had been talking to in the corner of the room, and she was pure white, about 7 feet tall or taller, with a long white gown on - very, very thin - and I was stunned to see how white and tall she was compared to the person I had just been talking to.

As I looked at her, she started shrinking and evaporated right in front of me,  and I woke up - totally astonished.


8-7-10 - DREAM - I went to a hardware store with my husband, and he was looking at something and an alarm went off but a light high up on the wall by the door didn't work, so my husband took a crowbar and went over there and pried against something else and broke the light, which then had to be fixed.

The next day, I went to the hardware store alone, and the hardware store owner told a cop there to arrest me.  So, I carefully explained to the cop what I saw, and then told the cop, I didn't have anything to do with what happened, I was just the witness.

Then I realized I had thrown my husband under the bus so to speak, and woke up


8-9-10 - I had multiple dreams where I was working with groups of people.  There are no details about it.  I just remember seeing all the people.


8-10-10 - DREAM - I was working in a very large office building, and I was due to go upstairs and interview for a promotion.

As I went upstairs, my boss ran up the stairs and ran into the bosses office himself and I heard him tell the higher boss that I had worked with 40 kids long term, rather than 5 kids 5 times.  (I actually raised 6 kids)

The higher boss (whose name started with a G) said, "That's wonderful. That's even better than I hoped for - she's hired."


8-11-10 - DREAM - Again a vague dream about the community - There apparently were 43 people there and there were problems but nobody wanted to say what they were.

88-11-10 - DREAM -  There was only enough food for 42 people, and I saw a canning jar with what looked like marmalade in the bottom - it was only about 1/4 full and above that the space was cloudy.


8-11-10 - MEDIATION - I saw the date  June 9th,  the words  NO CARPET,   (No carpet in the community makes sense. I already decided that a tile floor throughout is best- heated from below of course)

I think I went to wrong year, but maybe not:

6-9-02 - DREAM - I was in New Berlin in the yard. I don't know exactly how this got started, but there were some other young women with me, out in the yard. They were my friends but I can't name them. The house and area was where I used to live. It was similar, but not normal - or the way it is now. It was similar to how it was in the 60's before we remodeled the house.

It seemed as though we had been simulating doing some kind of fire ceremony of Native Americans. I experienced some really weird sizzling energy in the air, near me and in my head and all of a sudden, I was across the street, standing near a small pit and this beautiful-looking native woman in buckskins with a papoose (not strapped to her back) appeared and showed me how to bend forward with my arms outstretched over the flames in the fire it and pray over the flames. (There was no fire in the pit at the moment)

It all happened so quickly, I had to think about it and recall all the details of it.

I remembered the odd sizzling energy near me, and then an alien being appeared in the energy spot, who changed into the native woman, and I recall her telling me she was an 'alien Indian' Once the alien had shape-shifted, it was hard to remember that this beautiful woman was actually an alien.

The baby wit her was a little older than a year old, and was complaining the whole time, about being set down while the demonstration of how to pray over the fire was being done for me.

I met up with my other two friends back across the street who had witness this whole thing from their own perspective. It had happened so fast,, we were all stunned.

When we were all in the house, we were watching two young women walking by, who were wearing black winter coats but were barefoot. (They had really big feet too) One other woman named them, but I can't recall the names, It was like they were acquaintances, but not friends with us, and their attitude was like they treated us other three women with disdain or like they were too good to be friends with us.

Then another young blonde woman came in. It seems as though she was a newspaper reporter and was going to write about our experience, and she was stunned that none of us had written anything down to document what had happened.

I could only explain that we were all too stunned about the experience itself to think to write it down. It wasn't until that moment that we sat down to describe what this alien native woman looked like, that her brads came to her shoulders , and then had extra long braids attached with bands to make them appear longer. There may have been a 'black' feather attached to this part of the braid extension, but I can't be sure.

I still remember the sizzling energy in the air like it just happened.

I was just starting to do the dishes in the kitchen sink when the blonde woman came in and she said she wanted some cake, but there were trays of cookies there I had just made and I told her to help herself.

I had to get my dishes washed. And we still hadn't written anything down either.

This was from this year:

6-9-09 - DREAM - I forgot most of my dreams from last night, but the last one I was shown a thick book with a list of companies that were in financial trouble. I wasn't shown any of them but the book was open to the letter S.  It also seems I remember the name Gallo in that dream. 

I went into a University for the 1st day of classes.  I was on the first floor balcony, watching some of the students coming in the lower entrance door, and they all went to the elevator and came up to the 1st floor where I was -  it was a long distance down.  I was extremely impressed by the size of the students, they were all over 7 feet tall. 

I wanted to use the elevator also to go up, but my classes were in the basement.  (Seems like they always are in that school)


8-12-10 - DREAM -I was living in a very large facility like a nursing home, but everyone seemed to be ambulatory.  I lived at the very farthest end, and it took a long time to get there.

I didn't know anyone I met along the way, both male and female.

I did find some interesting things along the way, I picked up and took with me.

I found three plastic boxes of truck and car tune up parts.  I thought maybe I could sell them, but I didn't know what any of them were for.   I also found a see thru box - that called and 'I" box, along with a magazine called the "I' magazine.  The magazine was naughty and saw was the see-thru "I" box which was very futuristic.  You could look at various sections that opened up at the touch of a finger and look at pictures of women (no men were seen)  in various provocative poses.  It was a little embarrassing to look at them, but I wasn't about to let it lay around anywhere and took it with me as well.

It took me a long time to get to my own apartment and it wasn't easy to find. I just knew it was at the far end of the building on the highest floor, and I had to walk the whole way.  It was like going through a maze of departments, stairways, and hallways.  I did finally make it and woke up while looking at all the boxes of stuff I collected along the way.


8-12-10 - DREAM - I was in a house somewhere trying to help other women get the place cleaned up.  In one bedroom, there were hundreds of beads on the floor, mixed in with little toys.  Three little girls were playing in there, so I told them they had to clean up the mess.  I told them they could use a broom.  One little brown girl said she didn't want to clean up someone else's mess, and I assured her that people had cleaned up her messes before as well.

I also found a bunch of women's hair brushes - and the bristles were all melted.

One of the other mothers started talking to someone underneath a table, and I looked and there was a boy under the table, hiding, along with a larger person - I don't know if it was male or female.  They may or may not have made the mess. I had no way of knowing, but all the furniture was askew in the room. Nothing was where it should be, so obviously someone larger had done that.

I went downstairs to call someone on the phone


In the dream, I went downstairs to call someone on the phone and I was looking out the front window toward what I thought was the northeast, and all of a sudden I screamed, "Oh my God!  There is a fireball coming down from the sky - but it was a deep sky blue - really al huge ball coming from behind a cloud - 

The woman on the other end of the phone said, "Wait a second. Let me see where it is, and I then saw the number 6.7 90 20.  and woke up.

On Google-Earth program, that is half way between Sumatra and Sri Lanka.  It's in the middle of the ocean.

If something that huge came down in the ocean, it was cause a tsunami so huge, we couldn't count the bodies on all the islands and continents it hit.

Look up the number for yourself and see.  6.7 90 20


8-13-10 - DREAM -  A little boy and a little girl were sitting at the front of a church with bare feet, between a pew and the stone wall, just waiting for something to happen. 




8-14-10 - DREAM -  I was with a large group of people who were gathering to go to the community to live.  I got rather excited when I saw a young man who looked like a highschool kid because I recognized him as 'the' one I was supposed to be with.

A voice-over in the dream said, "I'm sorry, but he won't be with you because you started out a year too soon."

I thought to myself, "I'll let my girlfriend have him then and he'll still be there. 

(I looked like I was about 20 , and he looked like he was about 16). I knew he would be there with his parents anyway.


8-15-10-  DREAM - Two young girls were waiting for something special to happen.  There were star configurations marked out on a floor like in a gymnasium, with bright yellow lines between certain stars.  According to the stars, it was still too early for that event to happen, and they had to wait until a certain configuration happened before they could do it.



DREAM - I was living in my 16th St. house.  My son Ken had a job and bought himself some really nice new clothes I admired, so I asked out loud, "I wonder if I could wear those to work?"  and then decided they wouldn't fit me, but I brought that memory with me to the butcher shop to talk about it later.

I received a letter from my husband Ed who was in prison, and apparently he was coming home, but it was almost dinner time and I didn't have time to read the whole thing, so I shoved it in my purse.

I had to go to the butcher shop to buy some fresh ground beef for dinner and it was almost  5 p.m.  I decided to take my baby girl with me - (big mistake).

Out in the back yard, I met my neighbor on the way out, and we agreed that we would have a barbecue rib dinner together on Thursday - evidently this being Tuesday.  She was going to make the barbecued ribs, so I asked if I could bring anything. 

She responded,  "I would love to have fresh cooked noodles."

So, I agreed to make the noodles, then had second thoughts about it when I went to the butcher shop to get my ground beef for dinner.  Like I said, "Big mistake".

I got in the car, which was my maroon, 1965 Ford, (which I really did have at one time), and drove two blocks to the butcher shop. It would have been at about 14th and Clark.  (there was not a real butcher shop there)

I walked into the butcher shop and the woman who was co-owner with her husband was standing beneath the weighing scale which was hanging from the ceiling which was about 9 feet off the floor.  The woman was only about 5 feet tall, so the scale was way over her head. 

The woman who resembled the woman who co-owns the Chili wagon here in town, was standing on the ground trying to figure out how to weigh 5 steaks when the scale was way up by the ceiling and she couldn't reach it.

I'm almost six feet tall and I couldn't reach it either, so I left her to worry about it, because that was her job.

I got in line which had about 5 people in front of me to order my ground beef, and got into several conversations with people which included talking about my son Ken's new suit which I wanted to wear.  It really was nice - sleek fitting pants and jacket - the cloth was rather shimmery.  Really nice brown color. Rather like the suit that was worn by John Travolta who danced in the movie Saturday Night Fever.

I got up to the counter and asked for my ground beef - 5 pounds - and the clerk said she was going to have to charge me by the 70 pound price rate since I had ordered so much.  I remembered my promise to make noodles for the Thursday barbecue and didn't really want to spend all day making them, so I asked the clerk, "You don't happen to make fresh cooked noodles, do you?" and the clerk responded.  "Don't ask!  So do the twenty people sitting in the lobby!"   I said, "Okay!" and then went into my pockets and purse, looking for the $20 bill I had brought with me, and didn't immediately find it.

I finally found the loose $20 bill in my pocket and handed it to the clerk, and didn't get any change back.

I then went to another counter where the ground beef was being made from steaks, and had to separate the ground beef from the steaks myself so I got the whole five pounds.   I wrapped up the ground beef myself, and then walked outside to the car, where I had left the baby in the back seat.  (Are you kidding?????)  I realized that way too late obviously that it was a mistake. I could barely make it out the door myself because I had so much stuff in my hands, including a little white tub of what looked like honey mustard or something.  I had to have help to get out the door because I didn't have a spare hand.

But, when I got to the car and looked in the back seat, the baby was sleeping on her hands and knees rather curled up,, looking like a little doll, next to her blue Dachshund puppy doll. So I felt relieved that she was okay.

I had to put the little white mustard honey pot down on the fender of the car in order to open the passenger car door to put the ground beef on the seat, with my purse, the honey pot, etc.   I made a little noise in doing so.

Even before I opened the passenger door on the car, I heard the baby yell to me, "Don't open the door, there is a cloud sitting there and you'll let it out!"

Too late!  I didn't see the cloud, and I had already opened the door!

I could sense the cloud zipping out the door as quickly as I opened the door, and the baby said disappointedly, "Too late!" and then she laughing said, "Just kidding!"

and I woke up.

I realized when I woke up, that the cloud was the Holy Spirit.




8-16-10 - DREAM -  This whole dream was about my grandson Brian - my first grandchild.

I went to see Brian when he was born, and I swear he was the most beautiful baby ever born, perfectly round face - he looked like an angel, and I'm not just being prejudiced when I say that.

In the dream, Brian was about 18 months old.  His Mom dressed Brian in a yellow and white plaid cotton overalls with a white pullover shirt.  He was laying flat on his back on the kitchen floor, and he looked like an angel.  He was a really beautiful child.

When his hair grew in, it came in unruly - bright green like grass - thick tufts of bright green hair, within larger tufts of bright green hair.  In his hair were old ramshackle buildings falling down like they had been there for many years after they had been used.

We called in a woman who was an expert in cutting hair, and she trimmed his hair as short as she could and it was still bright green, tufts of bright green hair within larger tufts of bright green hair all over the top of his head.

I heard the razor going and saw the thumb of his left hand - she had even cut his fingernails, all the way down so that there was not even a tiny bit of nail sticking out beyond where the nail was attached to his thumb. 

We then went out in the back yard, where there was an electric mower, still attached to the cord, and my husband was trying to mow the lawn - which was just like the top of Brian's head.  Tufts of grass, within larger tufts of grass, but the grass was not green, it was more yellowish brown and looked dead.

I tried to help move the mower around on the lawn, and I noticed that the center tufts of grass were really bushes, and they were aligned like a wide arrow - pointing at the center  and tufts set in lines pointing towards something unseen in the center.

I woke up, feeling totally puzzled by this dream.

The boy's name Brian

Brian is pronounced BRY-en. It is of Celtic, Irish and Gaelic origin, and the meaning of Brian is "high, noble". Could also mean "strength". Historical: Brian Boru (10th century) was a warrior who became high king of Ireland and one of its greatest national heroes. He liberated the country from the Danes in 1014.  

Brian Boru

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Brian Boru
High King of Ireland
Brian Boru
18th-century engraving of Brian Boru, High King of Ireland
Reign 1002–1014
Predecessor Máel Sechnaill mac Domnaill
Successor Máel Sechnaill mac Domnaill (restored)
Father Cennétig mac Lorcáin
Mother Bé Binn ingen Murchada

Brian Bóruma mac Cennétig, (c. 941–23 April 1014), (English: Brian Boru, Middle Irish: Brian Bóruma, Irish: Brian Bóroimhe, or more usually Brian Ború), was an Irish king who ended the domination of the so-called High Kingship of Ireland by the Uí Néill. Building on the achievements of his father, Cennétig mac Lorcain, and brother, Mathgamain, Brian first made himself King of Munster, then subjugated Leinster, making himself ruler of the south of Ireland. The O'Brien clan regard him as their founder, and the Kennedy clan who claim descent from his father hold him in high esteem as well.

The Uí Néill king Máel Sechnaill mac Domnaill, abandoned by his northern kinsmen of the Cenél nEógain and Cenél Conaill, acknowledged Brian as High King at Athlone in 1002. In the decade that followed, Brian campaigned against the northern Uí Néill, who refused to accept his claims, against Leinster, where resistance was frequent, and against the Norse Gaelic kingdom of Dublin. Brian's hard-won authority was seriously challenged in 1013 when his ally Máel Sechnaill was attacked by the Cenél nEógain king Flaithbertach Ua Néill, with the Ulstermen as his allies. This was followed by further attacks on Máel Sechnaill by the Dubliners under their king Sihtric Silkbeard and the Leinstermen led by Máel Mórda mac Murchada. Brian campaigned against these enemies in 1013. In 1014, Brian's armies confronted the armies of Leinster and Dublin at Clontarf near Dublin on Good Friday. The resulting Battle of Clontarf was a bloody affair, with Brian, his son Murchad, and Máel Mórda among those killed. The list of the noble dead in the Annals of Ulster includes Irish kings, Norse Gaels, Scotsmen, and Scandinavians. The immediate beneficiary of the slaughter was Máel Sechnaill who resumed his interrupted reign as the last Uí Néill High King.

In death, Brian proved to be a greater figure than in life. The court of his great-grandson Muirchertach Ua Briain produced the Cogadh Gaedhel re Gallaibh, a work of near hagiography. The Norse Gaels and Scandinavians too produced works magnifying Brian, among these Njal's Saga, the Orkneyinga Saga, and the now-lost Brian's Saga. Brian's war against Máel Mórda and Sihtric was to be inextricably connected with his complicated marital relations, in particular his marriage to Gormlaith, Máel Mórda's sister and Sihtric's mother, who had been in turn the wife of Amlaíb Cuarán‎, king of Dublin and York, then of Máel Sechnaill, and finally of Brian.


[edit] Biography

[edit] Early life

Many Irish annals state that Brian was in his 88th year when he fell in the Battle of Clontarf in 1014. If true, this would mean that he was born as early as 926 or 927.[1] Other birth dates given in retrospect are 923 or 942.[1]

He was one of the 12 sons of Cennétig mac Lorcáin (d. 951), king of Dál Cais and king of Tuadmumu (Thomond, in north Munster). Cennétig was also described as rígdamna Caisil, meaning that he was either heir or candidate ("king material") to the kingship of Cashel or Munster.[2] Brian's mother was Bé Binn, daughter of Aurchad mac Murchada (d. 945), king of Uí Briúin Seóla in west Connacht.[1][2] This may explain why he received the name Brian, which was rare among the Dál Cais.[2]

Brian was born at Kincora, Killaloe, a town in the region of Tuadmumu (Thomond).[2] Brian's posthumous cognomen "Bóruma" (anglicised as Boru) may have referred to "Béal Bóruma", a fort north of Killaloe (Co Clare) in Thomond, where the Dál Cais held sway.[1][2][3] Another explanation, though possibly a late (re-)interpretation, is that the nickname represented Old Irish bóruma "of the cattle tribute", referring to his capacity as a powerful overlord.[1]

When their father died, the kingship of Tuadmumu passed to Brian's older brother, Mathgamain, and, when Mathgamain was killed in 976, Brian replaced him. Subsequently he became the King of the entire kingdom of Munster.

[edit] The Dál gCais

Brian belonged to the Dál gCais (or Dalcassians) who occupied a territory straddling the largest river in Ireland, the River Shannon, a territory that would later be known as the Kingdom of Thomond and today incorporates portions of County Clare and County Limerick. The Shannon served as an easy route by which raids could be made against the province of Connacht (to the river's west) and Meath (to its east). Both Brian's father, Cennétig mac Lorcáin and his older brother Mathgamain conducted river-borne raids, in which the young Brian would undoubtedly have participated. This was probably the root of his appreciation for naval forces in his later career.

An important influence upon the Dalcassians was the presence of the Hiberno-Norse city of Limerick on an isthmus around which the Shannon River winds (known today as King's Island or the Island Field). Undoubtedly the Hiberno-Norse of Limerick and the Dalcassians frequently came to blows, but it's unlikely that the relationship was always one of hostility; there was probably peaceful contact as well, such as trade. The Dalcassians may have benefited from these interactions, from which they would have been exposed to Norse innovations such as superior weapons and ship design, all factors that may have contributed to their growing power.

[edit] Mathgamain

In 964, Brian's older brother, Mathgamain, claimed control over the entire province of Munster by capturing the Rock of Cashel, capital of the rival Eóganacht dynasty. The Eóganacht king, Máel Muad mac Brain, organised an anti-Dalcassian alliance that included another Irish king in Munster, Donnubán mac Cathail of Uí Fidgenti, and Ivar of Limerick, of the Uí Ímair. At the Battle of Sulcoit, a Dalcassian army led by Mathgamain and Brian decisively defeated the Hiberno-Norse army of Limerick and, following up their victory, looted and burned the city. The Dalcassian victory at Sulchoid may have led Máel Muad to decide that deception might succeed where an open contest of strength on the battlefield had failed. In 976 Mathgamain attended what was supposed to be a peaceful meeting for reconciliation, where he was seized and murdered. It was under these unpromising circumstances that Brian became the new leader of the Dalcassians.

Brian immediately set about avenging his brother's death and reinstating the control of the Dalcassians over the province of Munster. In quick succession, he attacked and defeated the Hiberno-Norse of Limerick, Máel Muad's Irish allies, and finally, Máel Muad himself. Brian's approach to establishing his control over the Munster demonstrated features that would become characteristic of all of his wars: he seized the initiative, defeating his enemies before they could join forces to overwhelm him, and although he was ruthless and horribly brutal by modern standards, he sought reconciliation in the aftermath of victory rather than continuing hostility. After he had killed both the ruler of Limerick, Ivar, and Ivar's successor, he allowed the Hiberno-Norse in Limerick to remain in their settlement. After he had killed Máel Muad, he treated his son and successor, Cian, with great respect, giving Cian the hand of his daughter, Sadb in marriage. Cian remained a faithful ally for the rest of his life.

[edit] Extending authority

Having established unchallenged rule over his home Province of Munster, Brian turned to extending his authority over the neighboring provinces of Leinster to the east and Connacht to the north. By doing so, he came into conflict with High King Máel Sechnaill mac Domnaill whose power base was the Province of Meath. For the next fifteen years, from 982 to 997, High King Máel Sechnaill repeatedly led armies into Leinster and Munster, while Brian, like his father and brother before him, led his naval forces up the Shannon to attack Connacht and Meath on either side of the river. He suffered quite a few reverses in this struggle, but appears to have learned from his setbacks. He developed a military strategy that would serve him well throughout his career: the coordinated use of forces on both land and water, including on rivers and along Ireland's coast. Brian's naval forces, which included contingents supplied by the Hiberno-Norse cities that he brought under his control, provided both indirect and direct support for his forces on land. Indirect support involved a fleet making a diversionary attack on an enemy in a location far away from where Brian planned to strike with his army. Direct support involved naval forces acting as one arm in a strategic pincer, the army forming the other arm.

In 996 Brian finally managed to control the province of Leinster, which may have been what led Máel Sechnaill to reach a compromise with him in the following year. By recognising Brian's authority over Leth Moga, that is, the Southern Half, which included the Provinces of Munster and Leinster (and the Hiberno-Norse cities within them), Máel Sechnaill was simply accepting the reality that confronted him and retained control over Leth Cuinn, that is, the Northern Half, which consisted of the Provinces of Meath, Connacht, and Ulster.

Precisely because he had submitted to Brian's authority, the King of Leinster was overthrown in 998 and replaced by Máel Morda mac Murchada. Given the circumstances under which Máel Morda had been appointed, it is not surprising that he launched an open rebellion against Brian's authority. In response, Brian assembled the forces of the Province of Munster with the intention of laying siege to the Hiberno-Norse city of Dublin, which was ruled by Máel Morda's ally and cousin, Sigtrygg Silkbeard. Together Máel Morda and Sigtrygg determined to meet Brian's army in battle rather than risk a siege. Thus, in 999, the opposing armies fought the Battle of Glen Mama. The Irish annals all agree that this was a particularly fierce and bloody engagement, although claims that it lasted from morning until midnight, or that the combined Leinster-Dublin force lost 4,000 killed are open to question. In any case, Brian followed up his victory, as he and his brother had in the aftermath of the Battle of Sulchoid thirty-two years before, by capturing and sacking the enemy's city. Once again, however, Brian opted for reconciliation; he requested Sigtrygg to return and resume his position as ruler of Dublin, giving Sigtrygg the hand of one of his daughters in marriage, just as he had with the Eoganacht King, Cian. It may have been on this occasion that Brian married Sigtrygg's mother and Máel Morda's sister Gormflaith, the former wife of Máel Sechnaill.

[edit] The struggle for Ireland

Brian made it clear that his ambitions had not been satisfied by the compromise of 997 when, in the year 1000, he led a combined Munster-Leinster-Dublin army in an attack on High King Máel Sechnaill mac Domnaill's home province of Meath. The struggle over who would control all of Ireland was renewed. Máel Sechnaill's most important ally was the King of Connacht, Cathal mac Conchobar mac Taidg (O'Connor), but this presented a number of problems. The Provinces of Meath and Connacht were separated by the Shannon River, which served as both a route by which Brian's naval forces could attack the shores of either province and as a barrier to the two rulers providing mutual support for each other. Máel Sechnaill came up with an ingenious solution; two bridges would be erected across the Shannon. These bridges would serve as both obstacles preventing Brian's fleet from traveling up the Shannon and as a means by which the armies of the Provinces of Meath and Connacht could cross over into each others kingdoms.

The Annals state that, in the year 1002, Máel Sechnaill surrendered his title to Brian, although they do not say anything about how or why this came about. The Cogadh Gaedhil re Gallaibh provides a story in which Brian challenges High King Máel Sechnaill to a battle at the Hill of Tara in the province of Meath, but the High King requests a month long truce so that he can mobilise his forces, which Brian grants him. But Máel Sechnaill fails to rally the regional rulers who are nominally his subordinates by the time the deadline arrives, and he is forced to surrender his title to Brian. This explanation is hardly credible, given Brian's style of engaging in war; if he had found his opponent at a disadvantage he would certainly have taken full advantage of it rather than allowing his enemy the time to even the odds. Conversely, it is hard to believe, given the length and intensity of the struggle between Máel Sechnaill and Brian, that the High King would surrender his title without a fight.

Where that fight may have occurred and what the particular circumstances were surrounding it we may never know. What is certain is that in 1002 Brian became the new High King of Ireland.

Unlike some who had previously held the title, Brian intended to be High King in more than name only. To accomplish this he needed to impose his will upon the regional rulers of the only Province that did not already recognise his authority, Ulster. Ulster's geography presented a formidable challenge; there were three main routes by which an invading army could enter the Province, and all three favored the defenders. Brian first had to find a means of getting through or around these defensive 'choke points', and then he had to subdue the fiercely independent regional Kings of Ulster. It took Brian ten years of campaigning to achieve his goal which, considering he could and did call on all of the military forces of the rest of Ireland, indicates how formidable the Kings of Ulster were. Once again, it was his coordinated use of forces on land and at sea that allowed him to triumph; while the rulers of Ulster could bring the advance of Brian's army to a halt, they could not prevent his fleet from attacking the shores of their kingdoms. But gaining entry to the Province of Ulster brought him only halfway to his goal. Brian systematically defeated each of the regional rulers who defied him, forcing them to recognise him as their overlord.

[edit] Emperor of the Irish

It was during this process that Brian also pursued an alternate means of consolidating his control, not merely over the Province of Ulster, but over Ireland as a whole. In contrast to its structure elsewhere, the Roman Catholic Church in Ireland was centered, not around the bishops of diocese and archbishops of archdiocese, but rather around monasteries headed by powerful abbots who were members of the royal dynasties of the lands in which their monasteries resided. Among the most important monasteries was Armagh, located in the Province of Ulster. It is recorded in the 'Book of Armagh' that, in the year 1005, Brian donated twenty-two ounces of gold to the monastery and declared that Armagh was the religious capital of Ireland to which all other monasteries should send the funds they collected. This was a clever move, for the supremacy of the monastery of Armagh would last only so long as Brian remained the High King. Therefore, it was in the interest of Armagh to support Brian with all their wealth and power. It is also interesting that Brian is not referred to in the passage from the 'Book of Armagh' as the 'Ard Ri' —that is, High-King— but rather he is declared "Imperator Scottorum," or "Emperor of the Irish" ("Scottorum" then being the common Late Latin term for the Irish: Ireland was usually referred to in Latin as "Scotia Major" while Scotland was referred to as "Scotia Minor").

Though it is only speculation, it has been suggested that Brian and the Church in Ireland were together seeking to establish a new form of kingship in Ireland, one that was modelled after the kingships of England and France, in which there were no lesser ranks of regional Kings – simply one King who had (or sought to have) power over all in a unitary state. In any case, whether as High King or Emperor, by 1011 all of the regional rulers in Ireland acknowledged Brian's authority. No sooner had this been achieved than it was lost again.

Máel Mórda mac Murchada of Leinster had only accepted Brian's authority grudgingly and in 1012 rose in rebellion. The Cogadh Gaedhil re Gallaibh relates a story in which one of Brian's sons insults Máel Morda, which leads him to declare his independence from Brian's authority. Whatever the actual reason was, Máel Morda sought allies with which to defy the High-King. He found one in a regional ruler in Ulster who had only recently submitted to Brian. Together they attacked the Province of Meath, where the former High King Máel Sechnaill sought Brian's help to defend his Kingdom. In 1013 Brian led a force from his own Province of Munster and from southern Connacht into Leinster; a detachment under his son, Murchad, ravaged the southern half of the Province of Leinster for three months. The forces under Murchad and Brian were reunited on 9 September outside the walls of Dublin. The city was blockaded, but it was the High King's army that ran out of supplies first, so that Brian was forced to abandon the siege and return to Munster around the time of Christmas.

Máel Morda may have hoped that by defying Brian, he could enlist the aid of all the other regional rulers Brian had forced to submit to him. If so, he must have been sorely disappointed; while the entire Province of Ulster and most of the Province of Connacht failed to provide the High King with troops, they did not, with the exception of a single ruler in Ulster, provide support for Máel Morda either. His inability to obtain troops from any rulers in Ireland, along with his awareness that he would need them when the High King returned in 1014, may explain why Máel Morda sought to obtain troops from rulers outside of Ireland. He instructed his subordinate and cousin, Sigtrygg, the ruler of Dublin, to travel overseas to enlist aid.

Sigtrygg sailed to Orkney, and on his return stopped at the Isle of Man. These islands had been seized by the Vikings long before and the Hiberno-Norse had close ties with Orkney and the Isle of Man. There was even a precedent for employing Norsemen from the isles; they had been used by Sigtrygg's father, Amlaíb Cuarán, in 980, and by Sigtrygg himself in 990. Their incentive was loot, not land. Contrary to the assertions made in the Cogadh Gaedhil re Gallaibh, this was not an attempt by the Vikings to reconquer Ireland. All of the Norsemen, both the Norse-Gaels of Dublin and the Norsemen from the Isles, were in the service of Máel Morda. It should also be remembered that the High King had 'Vikings' in his army as well; mainly the Hiberno-Norse of Limerick (and probably those of Waterford, Wexford, and Cork as well), but also, according to some sources, a rival gang of Norse mercenaries from the Isle of Man.

Essentially this could be characterised as an Irish civil war in which foreigners participated as minor players.

Along with whatever troops he obtained from abroad, the forces that Brian mustered included the troops of his home Province of Munster, those of Southern Connacht, and the men of the Province of Meath, the latter commanded by his old rival Máel Sechnaill mac Domnaill. He may have outnumbered Máel Morda's army, since Brian felt secure enough to dispatch a mounted detachment under the command of his youngest son, Donnchad, to raid southern Leinster, presumably hoping to force Máel Morda to release his contingents from there to return to defend their homes. Unfortunately for the High King, if he had had a superiority in numbers it was soon lost. A disagreement with the King of Meath resulted in Máel Sechnaill withdrawing his support (Brian sent a messenger to find Donnchad and ask him to return with his detachment, but the call for help came too late). To compound his problems, the Norse contingents, led by Sigurd Hlodvirsson, Earl of Orkney and Brodir of the Isle of Man, arrived on Palm Sunday, 18 April. The battle would occur five days later, on Good Friday.

The fighting took place just north of the city of Dublin, at Clontarf (now a prosperous suburb). It may well be that the two sides were evenly matched, as all of the accounts state that the Battle of Clontarf lasted all day. Although this may be an exaggeration, it does suggest that it was a long, drawn-out fight.

There are many legends concerning how Brian was killed, from dying in a heroic man-to-man combat to being killed by the fleeing Viking mercenary Brodir while praying in his tent at Clontarf[citation needed]. He is said to be buried in the grounds of St. Patrick's Cathedral in the city of Armagh. Legend dictates he is buried at the north end of the church.

[edit] Historical view

The popular image of Brian—the ruler who managed to unify the regional leaders of Ireland so as to free the land from a 'Danish' (Viking) occupation—originates from the powerful influence of a work of 12th century propaganda, Cogadh Gaedhil re Gallaibh (The War of the Irish with the Foreigners) in which Brian takes the leading role. This work is thought to have been commissioned by Brian's great-grandson, Muirchertach Ua Briain as a means of justifying the Ua Briain claim to the High-Kingship, a title upon which the Uí Neill had had a near-monopoly.

The influence of this work, on both scholarly and popular authors, cannot be exaggerated. Until the 1970s most scholarly writing concerning the Vikings' activities in Ireland, as well as the career of Brian Boru, accepted the claims of Cogadh Gaedhil re Gallaibh at face value.

Brian did not free Ireland from a Norse (Viking) occupation simply because it was never conquered by the Vikings. In the last decade of the 8th century, Norse raiders began attacking targets in Ireland and, beginning in the mid-9th century, these raiders established the fortified camps that later grew into Ireland's first cities: Dublin, Limerick, Waterford, Wexford, and Cork. Within only a few generations, the Norse citizens of these cities had converted to Christianity, inter-married with the Irish, and often adopted the Irish language, dress and customs; thus becoming what historians refer to as the 'Hiberno-Norse'. Such Hiberno-Norse cities were fully integrated into the political scene in Ireland, long before the birth of Brian. They often suffered attacks from Irish rulers, and made alliances with others, though ultimately came under the control of the kings of the Provinces of Meath, Leinster, or Munster, who chose those among Hiberno-Norse who would rule the cities, subservient to their loyal subordinates. Rather than conquering Ireland, the Vikings, who initially attacked and subsequently settled in Ireland were, in fact, assimilated by the Irish.

[edit] Wives and children

Brian's first wife was Mór, daughter of the king of Uí Fiachrach Aidne of Connacht. She is said to have been the mother of his sons Murchad, Conchobar and Flann. Later genealogies claimed that these sons left no descendants, although in fact Murchad's son Tadc is recorded as being killed at Clontarf along with his father and grandfather.[4]

Echrad daughter of the king of Uí Áeda Odba, an obscure branch of the southern Uí Néill, was the mother of Tadc, whose son Toirdelbach and grandson Muirchertach rivalled Brian in power and fame.[5]

Brian's most famous marriage was with Gormflaith, sister of Máel Mórda of Leinster. Donnchad, who had his half-brother Tadc killed in 1023 and ruled Munster for forty years thereafter, was the result of this union.[6]

Brian had a sixth son, Domnall. Although he predeceased his father Domnall apparently had at least one surviving child, a son whose name is not recorded. Domnall may perhaps have been the son of Brian's fourth known wife, Dub Choblaig, who died in 1009. She was a daughter of Cathal mac Conchobair, the overking of Connacht.[7]

Brian had at least three daughters but their mothers are not recorded. Sadb, whose death in 1048 is recorded by the Annals of Innisfallen, was married to Cian, son of Máel Muad mac Brian. Bé Binn was married to the northern Uí Néill king Flaithbertach Ua Néill. A third daughter, whose name may have been Sláine, was married to Brian's stepson Sitric of Dublin.[8]

According to Njal's Saga, he also had a foster-son named Kerthialfad.[9]

[edit] Cultural heritage

[edit] In popular culture

Morgan Llywelyn has written a novelization of Brian's life called simply Lion of Ireland. The sequel, Pride of Lions, tells the story of his sons, Donough and Teigue, as they vie for his crown.

His name is remembered in the title of one of the oldest tunes in Ireland's traditional repertoire: "Brian Boru's March". It is still widely played by traditional Irish musicians.

[edit] Notes

  1. ^ a b c d e Jaski, "Brian Boru", p. 45.
  2. ^ a b c d e Duffy, "Brian Bóruma"
  3. ^ Ní Mhaonaigh, p. 15, notes that Brian is associated with Béal Bóruma in a poem attributed to Cuán ua Lothcháin (d. 1024).
  4. ^ Ní Mhaonaigh, p. 31; Duffy.
  5. ^ Ní Mhaonaigh, p. 32; Duffy.
  6. ^ Ní Mhaonaigh, pp. 31–32; Duffy.
  7. ^ Ní Mhaonaigh, pp. 31 & 32–33; Duffy.
  8. ^ Ní Mhaonaigh, p. 33; Duffy.
  9. ^ Njal's Saga. Trans. George DaSent. London, 1861. §§ 154-157.

[edit] References

[edit] Primary sources

[edit] Secondary sources

[edit] Further reading

[edit] See also

Brian Boru
Regnal titles
Preceded by
Máelmuad mac Brain
King of Munster
Succeeded by
Dúngal mac Máelfothartaig Hua Donnchada
Preceded by
Máel Sechnaill mac Domnaill
High King of Ireland
Succeeded by
Máel Sechnaill mac Domnaill, restored
Preceded by
Emperor of the Irish
Succeeded by




DREAM #1  -  I was in Florida with my husband.  We were driving a big white box truck to deliver a tent to Barbara and her husband who turned out to be Jack Sneider (the cop) from the TV Show - As The World Turns.

My husband and I struggled to get the tent out of the box truck, as it was folded over several times and in a flat box.   We managed to get it out of the truck and onto the road where Barbara and her husband were standing on a white gravel road that was between two huge swamps which were flooded.  I knew this to be the Okeefenoke Swamp.  Barbara and Jack were going to live there. 

The tent box fell into the road and Barbara and Jack both jumped out of the way. 

Barbara landed face down in a muddy puddle on the gravel road, and Jack jumped off the road into the swamp.

Barbara looked funny as she fell, so I started to laugh as her butt was sticking up into the air -  (only friends can laugh at things like that)  but Jack was so mad, coming up out of the swamp screaming at us, that I forced my eyes open and got out of the dream.


The big white box truck was now parked in a very narrow gangway in the middle of a brick warehouse owned by a tall, thin woman.  Barbara was there as well. We were about to leave, but not quite ready.

I walked towards the gravel road out front to observe the flooded area, and saw smoke coming from a house in the distance. Because it was foggy, the white smoke blew low along the ground and obscured most everything and I noticed the water was rising, coming from behind me - back towards the warehouse buildings and it was rising ominously.

I ran as fast as I could through the rising water to the buildings, knowing that Barbara and I had better get out of there quickly before the water got so high that we couldn't drive at all.

I stood outside with a tiny infant child in my arms, next to the older woman, and Barbara got into the truck to drive it out of the narrow alley way onto the road.  Barbara did an excellent job and had no problem driving the box truck out into the open and we praised her for being such a good driver, and I got into the passenger side of the truck and we took off down the gravel road that ran between the two swampy areas.

As we drove along the road, we came to an area where there was a steep drop off hill on the left and as  the road was narrow, Barbara drove along the left edge where she could see better, and I cringed, ready to jump out of the truck with the baby if the truck started to slide off the side of the road on her side.  Fortunately, it didn't. 

We kept driving along the road and the surface of the road became darker and muddier, and we started meeting traffic coming the other way and now there were a few dead trees by the side of the road that were dead and pure white with dead branches sticking up.  We managed to make it past those other cars, which were driving down the center of the road like we were, and each driver moved over a bit and managed to pass each other safely. 

No sooner did we get past those cars, that we came to heavier traffic, which now seemed to be more pick up trucks, driving too fast towards us, and they were sliding in the mud on the roadway, some of them actually sliding completely around, but all the drivers managed to get back into their own lane and we passed them safely.

Again, I praised Barbara for her excellent driving skills, and breathed a sigh of relief.

We finally reached our destination, near some buildings, and I got out of the truck where my husband was standing with some other people.  As I got down from the truck, I saw the top of my husband's head.  The top of his skull was missing and there was a bright blue cloth over his brain underneath some straggly black hair trailing over it that he had combed up from the sides.

I couldn't bear to look at his head and opened my eyes so I didn't have to find out what happened to him.

NOTE:  He is actually going to see a neurologist today with my daughter driving him as his driver's license was taken away by his doctor last week because his vision deteriorated in a week so that he is now seeing double and triple and the neurologist is going to determine if he has a brain tumor.

Barbara's husband died from a brain tumor several years ago, which is why I probably dreamed about her.


8-18-10 - DREAM - I was living in my father's 16th St. house and was invited to a baby shower or something like that at a house on Clark St. that was at 19.5 approx.  The party was on the north side of the street and all the coats were hung in a house that was adjacent to the alley up a couple houses - up a hill in the alley several houses away from the street.

It seems to me that everyone's coat was a shade of grey including mine, but our scarves were woven of different colors, and when I went to get my coat, I had to walk around the other women's scarves that were spread out in the alley in order to get my coat and scarf.

The party was fun.  The guests were all women, but there were kids and men there too, and as I recall, the men there were all from the current Big Brother house, especially Matt (Matthew)  and a taller man (name unremembered) and as I woke up I pictured them that way - with arms outstretched on a cross of some kind one shorter and one taller.

I also fixed the household plumbing that was leaking and then wiped up the water from the leaking bathroom plumbing and the floor with a white towel before I left.

I also made pact to go shopping with one of the women, telling her that going shopping with her would make me want to come home with a baby - at least a baby something like a puppy, and I jokingly said, "Let's go to the animal shelter and get a puppy, knowing my family would have a fit if I came home with one.

I had a really hard time leaving as I never did put my coat on until I was actually going out the door and waving goodbye.

I woke up to the sound of a pick up truck in my driveway and one of the dogs barking.


8-19-10 - DREAM -  I was watching a big buxom black woman who had a heart #13. 

It wasn't really a dream. I just observed her.

DREAM #2 - was like a bad B movie that had a narrator that was a 4 year old girl.

It started off with my seeing a homely young couple with a 4 year old daughter seemingly waiting for a bus.

The 4 year old girl began narrating their story, telling me (the audience) that her parents were pretty, no - not really pretty, and they decided to live as a pair of lesbians because it would fit into the world better.

Then a beautiful woman delivered about an ounce of cocaine to the house, and it was determined that the cocaine was inferior and that needed to be investigated to find out where it came from so it could be remedied and get some better grade of cocaine.

Meanwhile, their house was such a mess, everything had bread crumbs embedded around everything that had been wet, like in the bathroom and kitchen, and I tried really hard to clean off the bread crumbs but they had been stuck there for years.

Underneath the tables were the leavings of vegetable trimmings that nobody ate, and they had been there so long, it was all stuck to the floor.  Old used cookie sheets lay on the floor everywhere, and dish trays like people have on the sides of the sink to drip dry the dishes - all those were bright green and empty, but laying on the floor.  I was trying to stack up all the trays and cookies sheets and sweep the floor.  That wasn't easy because the food trimmings were stuck to the floor.

In the bedroom, the top of the dresser had little statuettes of ceramic that looked like people, but touching the dresser, made the little ceramic people fall behind the dresser with only their heads sticking up.  I'd pick them up and stand them up again and the dresser were move a little and the ceramic people would fall behind the dresser again and again I'd have to pick them up.

I could never complete anything because trying to clean up one mess just made more mess in another place.

I finally woke up in frustration -  it was 6:16 a.m.


8-20-10 - DREAM - I was an apartment manager.  One of my tenants wanted to move out at the end of the month but didn't have any money to move, so we gave her little boy $500 cash to give to his mother to help her move quickly, which she did in the middle of the night.

I woke up in the middle of the night, and the woman, her little boy, and a rally tall boyfriend were going through my apartment to get her stuff out fast.

The tall boyfriend whispered to me, "How come they didn't give me money to move out fast?"  and I shrugged my shoulders in an "I don't know" gesture.

Just then the little boy dropped something on the floor and I hoped the people underneath didn't wake up to the noise....

but I woke up really fast with a huge cramp in the calf of my leg, going "ow ow ow"  and woke Joe up grabbing for my leg because it hurt so bad.


8-20-10 - DREAM - I was living in a small town in a two -story house, with my husband and baby son.

My husband was upstairs, and I was on the first floor and the baby was playing on the floor near the front door.

I saw a blue and white truck parked out by our driveway that looked like a propane or gas delivery truck.  There were several men standing out near the truck.

I sent the baby upstairs to play near his Dad.

No sooner had the baby gone up the stairs, a young man in a brown suit and hat came up to the door.

I answered the door, and the young man said he was running for mayor and asked if he could speak to me.

I told him, "I'm new in town and don't know anyone, so I don't care about talking with anyone!"

I closed the door and locked it.

I turned and started up the stairway and the door opened and the brown suited man came in the door and started coming up the stairs behind me.

I turned and sat on the stairs and told the man, "You come any higher up those stairs and I'll kick you in the face."

and I started screaming up the stairs, "Jim!  Jim!  Jim!"

and woke up.


8-21-10 -  This dream was very odd, in that it ha a newspaper that has an animated version of a photograph in real time showing a car race from beginning to end and on the front page I saw a copy of a letter written in green with the dates 1951 - 1976.

Some of the people in this dream were relatives of mine, and one was Wynn Free.

I'm not quite sure where the dream takes place as to what state we were in, but the Seattle newspaper was mailed to us wherever that was where I living with this relative who was a sister-in-law.  It apparently was her house, and her neighbor resembled Rosie O'Donnell though I don't think it was her.  Her name might have been Grandt.

When the mail came, I took two newspapers that arrived and took them upstairs to look at the photographs of the race - there being two different races and two different newspapers.

One very tall man, who also lived in the house was a participant in this car race and had driven the long sleek car from the top of the hill to the bottom and won the race.  He wanted to see the newspaper so I showed it to him, explaining that it was in real time and animated in the photograph.  He wanted to see it and when he watched the end of the race, he got so upset, he actually passed out.  It almost seemed like he was dead for about a moment because he has no pulse at all - there was so much fear from watching his own car win that race because it was so dangerous.  The race was between a car that looked like it should be in the Indianapolis 500 against some regular stock cars on a long downhill stretch of road. There were 4 cars in the race.  The long sleek car won at the last second.

Also, in the envelope was a Washington State prescription that someone in Washington sent specifically for Wynn Free authorizing him to buy free drugs wherever they were offered and Washington State would pay for them. 

I asked Wynn Free where he could buy free drugs with that slip of paper and he glibly said, "I'll figure it out!"

There was nothing sexual going on between me and the race driver, but I tended to him while he was ill from watching the photograph of the race, and apparently the woman who was rooming across the hall watched through the open doors of me doing that wearing my powder blue bathrobe, leaning over the race driver, feeling his pulse after he passed out, and he thought that the woman would think something was going on between us.  Because it was a situation of life and death with him - I wasn't going to worry about what she thought - but he was.

Also, in this dream, earlier, before the newspaper arrived was several scenes in which we discovered that a large parakeet was having sex with an owl, and that was so unusual, we wanted to know if the owl would accept sex from other parakeets.  This whole thing seemed to have political angles to it.  The owl and the parakeet went out in the yard and had sex too - they weren't caged birds.   The woman who owned the house, who was apparently my relative was handling the birds, and looking to find more large parakeets the owl would have sex with.

After the newspaper incident, I went downstairs and took the newspapers with me to show to the other family members could watch the race and on the way down the stairs were pieces of paper with hot cookies cooling off, and in the kitchen, was my sister-in-law making cookies under the watchful eye of the neighbors whose name was Brandt (or something close to that) and it was for a political event.


8-21-10 - NAP DREAM -  I was living in a new neighborhood, and I had to laugh at my neighbors because they tried to come home at night and couldn't find their house because all the houses had a light on in the front, and they couldn't tell their house from all the others.

I was in the gas station at the time getting gas for my car that was red, and there was an attendant doing it.  He looked like he was going to spray the gasoline on me, so I jumped out of the way, just as another man came driving up in his larger red car and almost hit the gas attendant with his car right behind mine.

Then as we were driving down the road, there was traffic going the other way which was really heavy in both directions, and my husband suddenly lost control of the car and drove right into the side of one going the other way.  Apparently there was no damage and we bounced right off, but we had to stop and apologize to the man.

When we got home, I went into the bathroom and the floor was dirty so I flushed it with water and the water went down the drain by itself which looked a cold air return by the wall.  Later I discovered there was another room next to the bathroom, and my granddaughter pried a grate off the wall so she could see into the bathtub from her room, so I admonished her never to try to watch whoever was in the bathroom through that grate.

After that, I went outside and there was a sign on the lawn and it said, "Arizona Glowing University.


8-22-10 - I didn't want to bother typing up these dreams, but I can't stop thinking about them so I may as well do it so I can quit thinking about them.

#1 -  I went to a high school reunion, and one of the young men from my class turned out to be a very sweet man, wearing thin glasses and I told him that he had been one of my favorite people in the class.  He was so touched, he got tears in his eyes,  That expression of emotion made me feel so good.

After I went home, I got a visit from Dr. ___  from All My Children TV show.  If anything can be done nasty - he would be the one to do it.  He is the most hated person in that TV show.

I told him my experience at the high school reunion and he seemed impressed, but when a young man came down the hall, the doctor said to the young man, "You are the most impressive young man I've ever known," and within seconds the two men were in bed together obviously intending to have sex with each other.

I was so disgusted, I woke up.


#2 -  I was in a country area somewhere.  Our house was a long sloping hill, and the grass was too tall to mow and the hill was very long and steep.  Some Mexican people came to take care of the lawn.  The man who was head of the crew came up the hill cutting the tall grass down with a hand-held cutters, while I lay on the sidewalk enjoying the sunshine, watching them do their work.  When he got enough cut down so I could see up the hill, it looked like a whole Mexican family was working hard to clean up the lawn.  The lawn was all dried out - apparently we hadn't had any rain in a long time.  There was a lot of broken pieces of wood from an old building or shack, and they even cleaned that part up.  They really worked hard.

Across the street, off to the left was a large house with a large side yard.  Their lawn was yellow and dry also.  I saw a group of people walking across that lawn and I thought maybe they were looking to build another house in that empty space, which I wouldn't really appreciate, but they went all the way towards the rear of the property and I saw them walk down the road that was at the back of their property.  I didn't know where they were going - I was thinking perhaps there was a store off that direction I didn't know about.


8-23-10 - DREAM -  I was dreaming that I was surrounding myself by my friend Michelle's multi-faceted ufo, and I could hear Joe laying next to me whimpering, "help! Help! Help"  as I finished my dream.


8-23-10 - MEDITATION - I was raising my vibrations, and I watched as a young man gently kissed a young woman just above the tip of her nose.



DREAM -  I was living in a house somewhere.  It was early in the morning and I was talking to my friend Michelle on the phone.

I could hear a loud rumbling noise outside the house.  In fact, the noise was shaking the house.

I looked out the window, and there was a huge red fire truck in my driveway with the engine going.  In front of it was the same blue and white gas truck I saw in another dream yesterday.  On the other side of the gas truck was a second huge red fire truck, also with the engine rumbling.  They were so loud, I had to get off the phone.

No sooner than I hung up the phone, the red fire truck that was parked in the driveway, backed up and parked behind the house. The loud rumbling and shaking was intolerable to me, so I walked through the house into the living room.

In the living room, I found Oprah, kneeling on the sofa.  She had on a massive dark reddish wig on that had huge curls on top going down to waves of curls in the back.  She also wore a dark reddish colored robe of the same color that had the waves in the fabric, so I couldn't tell where the wig left off and the robe started.

I touched the wig and it felt like a wig, and Oprah started to tell me how to brush it so it didn't hurt the curls when smoothing it out. 

I did that for a moment or two, then continued to the side door of the house, and went out the door and found myself in a massive room that was being added onto the house.  It was far from finished - and I could see the rough boards, steel struts, wires, etc. 

There was no one I could see, but I could hear work being done over my head.  So I went back inside the house, and tried to close the door, but the door was metal and bounced back open instead of latching.

As I walked through the living room, another workman came through from the front door and said, "Didn't you hear me say not to close the door!"  and I replied, "The door isn't closed!"  and woke up.


8-24-10 - DREAM -  I was walking in an office with three other women.  I came to work one morning and all our stuff was mixed up in the middle of the floor. 

I couldn't remember having gone home the night before, and as we went through the stuff on the floor, I noticed that there were names missing, and I couldn't remember who they were either.  I realized that it was women's names who were missing - not men's names. 

But who was missing?  I couldn't remember.


8-25-10 - DREAM - I was at my 16th St. house and telling someone that there was a window open in the attic at the top of the stairs that couldn't be shut and the cold wind was blowing all the way down the stairs to the basement.  I repeated that over and over - telling the same story again and again.


8-25-10 - MEDIATION -  I saw a man standing in front of me.  He ripped open his shirt and on his chest was written a long message which I couldn't read.  I asked spirit to make it clearer and they did, but I still couldn't read it.  I asked again to make it clearer and I still couldn't read it so I asked one more time, and it got clear enough so I could read one word in the bottom line and it said happiness, so I left it at that, considering it seemed like a positive message.


8-25-10 - DREAM -  I went to sleep and found myself at a green elevator door - a sign on the door said, "There is a variance4 -  and a long message, but by that time, the elevator was going down and I realized I was on the 9th level to begin with. When I got down to the 1st floor, I woke up.


8-25-10 -  DREAM -  It was supposed to be moving day and my first day on the job as manager of an apartment building.

I apparently didn't have a car, or didn't have the keys to my own car, so I got a ride from a man who looked like _______ -he must be ET - because he plays the part so well.  He had to stop at a church and pick up something.

We pulled into the parking lot, and he went into the church and I got out of the car and looked around.  It was really nice.  It was apparently a government Holiday and I saw some girls in red, white and blue uniforms at the graveyard, saluting over some graves and I was thinking it was Flag Day, but it could have been Memorial Day.

Some boy scouts came and stood in front of me and started to salute in the boy scout way to say the Pledge of Allegiance, so I decided I should do the same and I put my right hand up in the air and my left hand across my chest, and the boy shook his head NO, and made me change my hands around to put my left hand up and my right hand to my chest, which didn't feel right, but by then it was over.  We smiled at each other and the boy scouts left.

I could see a huge black storm coming in the sky beyond the graveyard, and hoped my friend would hurry back.

I got into the car, and for some reason, lay down on the seat, and my friend got in, and I told him about the storm, but if was so tired, I couldn't sit up to see where I was going.

However, we got to the apartment building, and my friend drove down into the underground garage and we got out of the car .

I went upstairs to walk down the hall towards the office, and realized that Ralph was the boss, and that I didn't have my upper teeth in, I had broken teeth on the bottom, and I wasn't wearing any underwear and my dress was too short.

I reached into my pocket, thinking I should have a car key and I could drive back home and get my underwear and teeth, but all I could find was a mailbox key in my pocket. 

Another woman came along and she was complaining about the building, and I thought I might go upstairs to my new apartment but I didn't have the key for that either - just the mailbox key.

I didn't want to meet up with Ralph no matter what, so I left the building and started walking down the street toward home which was quite a few miles.... and woke up.


8-26-10 - 3 FOOD DREAMS

DREAM 1 -  I saw French fries sticking to a baby's face, which I had to pick off.

DREAM 2 -  I saw French fries in a bag - turning black.

DREAM 3 - I saw two frozen chickens and a frozen turkey - still in their plastic bags, on the bottom shelf of my refrigerator. 


8-27-10 -DREAM -  I was living in my 16th St. house with my Father. 

I got a phone call from my boyfriend Norman, and he said he was coming over, so I said, 'Okay!"

By the time he got there, my Father noticed that the river was flooding down the hill from the house (this was not reality at all), and when Norman arrived, I was getting ready to go outside and check out the flood myself, so Norman didn't get into the house.

I went out the front door after discovering that I was wearing my black moccasin type shoes, and went down the front stairs off the porch to the sidewalk where it was mid-winter and snowy and icy everywhere, including in the alley next to the house.  I had to walk very carefully.

I never did make it down to the river, though I could see the flood from the alley to the south of us.

When I got outside, our dog  (we never had a dog)  was giving birth to puppies that were black and gray and I noticed that the puppies were nearly as big as the mother.

Some other people arrived to check out the flood and they liked the puppies and I said they could take some home with them. We didn't need that many dogs.

These people now needed new jeans and I said I could find some for them, and then the phone started ringing and people were asking for jeans in size 5 and size 4, and I said I could make them myself.

One of the workers cut herself on the finger, and asked me to sew up her finger, which I agreed to do, but Norman was still down at the river with my Father.


8-27-10 - DREAM -  I was living in my Father's 16th St. house.  (7th level)  I was standing in the back alley, behind the garage, facing north -  looking at my Father.  My 4 year old son was behind me.

All of a sudden, my son made a strange noise, and I turned to look at him.

His eyes rolled back in his head and spun around ominously.

He said, "The warriors came out of the east and roared across the land."

I immediately got frightened the way his eyes rolled and he said those words, that I grabbed him to take him through the garage to the house in case he was sick.

My Father said, "Don't get in the way!" so I moved over to the right, and a big UPS truck drove into our garage and parked.

and I woke up.

NOTE:  The 16th St. house means the dream took place on the 7th level.
             The 4 year old son means (4 years from now) (which would be 2014)
             The warriors coming out of the east - means WWIII.
             The UPS truck is an ominous symbol because of its color - brown (which is the earth)

The last dream I had about 2014 was a series of dreams about a huge volcano blowing up, causing ash to fall with 8 feet of snow to fall in central California,  3 inches of ash to fall in Arizona, and flooding to occur in the Mid-west.




8-28-10 - DREAM - I apparently created 25 solid circular gardens in a grid of 5 across by 10 down individually.  Then I added 25 more gardens that were rings the same size and multiplied it by 100 to achieve the number 5000.

Then to double check my work, I had to count each of the 50 circular gardens individually to make sure I had the correct number.  It was very tedious and took a long time to count them all individually.


8-28-10 - DREAM - I was with some people in a house and we were going to have some meat for dinner.  So I told someone to go upstairs and get some meat out of the refrigerator.  Someone brought the entire bottom drawer out of the refrigerator.  There was nothing in it but a large sheet of ice.


8-29-10- DREAM - 3:15 a,m- I was reading a report, written in English about Mars and Earth, and it was decided that both planets should be allowed to continue on as they were, despite both planets having the capability to blow themselves up with deadly weapons.


8-29-10 - DREAM -  4 a.m.  I was living in two different houses on either side of the road.

I apparently had a new born baby, whom no one was taking care of.  It was wet and hungry, and no one had diapers or a bottle to feed it with, so it kept getting passed from person to person. I was having conversations with various people from One Life to Live (Bo - the cop)  and The Young and the Restless (John), and As the World Turns (Henry) and my own older sons who were bringing old furniture down from the attic to repair older furniture that was broken in the house.

John and I spent time, sitting on a stairway talking about memories that old furniture bring back to people's minds, I walked across the street to a different house, where I saw two old branches had broken off a tree and fallen into the driveway.  I realized that house had been neglected and moved the branches into a safer place off the driveway and went inside.  There, after I went to bed, Henry and his new girlfriend from As the World Turns TV show, brought a diaper for the baby, and I saw Bo from One Life to Live coming with a blue bottle of milk for the baby, just as I put the baby who obviously was my own child to my breast to feed him and I felt the milk letting down and as I picked up the baby, I saw written on his neck that he had been set aside by one woman and having been rejected by a mother of six - I was looking around to find out who the mother of six was and figured it out it was myself - and woke up and heard Joe breathing loudly right in front of me - it was quite disconcerting for a few moments.  Was Joe that child?


8-29-10 - MEDIATION:  I was reading a book about how to contact extraterrestrials or spirits and call them you.  I really want to meet the female Andromedan who came to see me several weeks ago.

I started to pray, and ahead of me saw a small table with a clear plastic bag on it.  A woman opened the bag and took out a business card and read what it said.  I asked if I could see the card too, but it wasn't shown to me.

I then saw a king who was quite thin. He had a short sharp grey beard, a heart shaped face, and a silver crown on his head.

His costume was short like a jester with balloon like shorts and skinny legs with heavy work boots.

He clomped across the stage heavily and gave me the v-shaped PEACE sign with his right hand.

Immediately, I saw a white plastic box open like I have my gemstones in.  Inside were many colors - but was it gemstones, yarn, or thread?  I'm hoping it was gemstones.


8-30-10 - DREAM -  This sounds dumb, but I was on the back side of some kind of game with circles on it that represented people and when your cursor touched them, they disappeared. I have no idea what kind of value that has.


8-30-10 - DREAM -  I was living in an apartment building, somewhat working for a very immensely fat person.  I don't know if he/she was male or female. 

The apartment number 218 was very important in the scheme of things because someone wanted to rent it, and that same someone died in it.

There was an investigation by this fat person to diagnose why the person died and there was lavender in their hair when examining it from one side and from the other side it was colored yellow and smelled identical.

At one point I was in bed with this person, and he//she said I was the only person who would put up with their fatness, because even laying down next to he/she - the body was twice as high as mine and put my arm over it, felt very warm like a big pillow.

I then went to visit the landlord and he showed me a diagram of the entire building, and the floor with the 218 in it had tiny apartments all the way from front to back, when the next floor up only housed 4 lawyers offices, and I thought they must have really huge suites of offices on that floor.

He also showed me an empty floor that had a hallways that went half way to the front of the building where if you opened the door, gas came into the hallway.  I said I understood that because I had once managed a building.

The apartment owner wondered why I wasn't working, and I said I had enough money set aside for 'awhile'.

The sun was shining in the window and I knew I was going to have to look for a job very soon.

All of a sudden I was in a car driving past my cousin Shirley's house which was for sale, and I heard a real estate jingle on the radio advertising it as we drove by it.


8-30-10 - 11:11 p.m.  DREAM - I was working on a computer screen filled with large diamonds made of rectangles.  I slid each rectangle down into the bottom-most space for it, and apparently the rectangles should have come down from above automatically, but they didn't so there wasn't enough rectangles to complete the diamonds.

I have dreamed this same thing dozens of times, and the rectangles always came down from above, but not this time.


8-31-10 - DREAM - I was living with my father in a small house in the country somewhere.  I don't know how old I was, but after it got dark, some teenagers started gathering in groups at our house to discuss various things.

The group I was in talked about seeing satellites or ufos landing on the hillside in New Berlin, WI. 

My Father got upset with one of the boys for something and grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and threw him out of the house.  I can't remember why. 

One of the girls left in the dark, while it was raining and she carried her shoes and walked barefoot, but we agreed that we would meet like this every Friday night.


8-31-10 - DREAM - It was  daytime,  and I was taking a bus to go see my mother.  The bus was very odd, and had a stairways in it that had very large steps going around a corner downward and covered with very slippery,  shiny linoleum.  I commented to a black man how slippery it was and he agreed.

We then sat on the bus so that the heaviest people sat on one side to make sure the bus didn't tip over the other way.

I could have gotten off on 16th St., but I stood up and pulled the cord for the bus to stop on 18th and Center St., and I would walk back to 16th St. where my Mom lived.

When I got off the bus, lilacs were blooming everywhere I looked and it was so beautiful I was glad that I had chosen 18th St. instead of 15th St.


8-31-10 - 8 a.m. DREAM - I was living in my Father's house on 16th St.  with my husband and two little children.  I had a boy about 1 year's old, and a newborn infant girl.

I was out working during the night, and came home in the morning to find my little boy sitting in a high chair with no diaper on.  I asked my husband where my baby girl was and he said he didn't have time to take care of her because he was too busy changing the little boy because he peed all the time. 

I said, "Where is she?  Where is she?"

He answered, "I took her across the alley where the old ladies live!"

I first took my little boy upstairs in my Father's house to find him a diaper and don't find any, but I finally found a pair of little cowboy underpants which I put on him and said, "You are big boy now, and you can't pee in these underpants!"  He nodded, Yes!"

I took him out into the hallway and found pee all over the floor.

My Father was coming up the stairs and I told him, "Someone has to mop the floors!  There is pee everywhere!"

So, I then took my little boy back to his Father and told him I was going to get my baby girl!"

I went across the alley and knocked on the door and no one answered, so I push the door open and went down 4 stairs into a long hallway. 

There was a lot of women in this building, and I told the first woman , "I came to get my baby girl!"  and she said, "She's in the office!"

So I looked for a door that said, "Office" on it and knocked on it!"

An older woman answered the door and I told her, "I came to get my baby girl!", and the woman said, "They took her to the bathroom!"

So, I went across the hall and found my baby girl laying in swaddling clothes inside the bathtub and saw a bottle of milked laying next to her head - about 3/4th's gone.

Ii picked up my baby girl and she immediately opened her eyes wide and I saw they were pure clear sky blue," and she immediately started talking in an older female voice."

I didn't immediately catch what she said because she talked so fast, but the older woman came in behind me and I said, "She's channeling!  She's channeling!" 

The older woman said, "You can't take the baby home with you until I see that you know how to take care of her."

The first thing I wanted to do was nurse the baby, so I removed my clothing to nurse the baby on my left breast, and the baby wasn't interested.  Someone had just fed her 3/4 of a bottle of milk.  So there was nothing I could do for her then.  Her diaper was dry, so I just wrapped her tighter in her little blanket and moved to leave with her.

As we walked out of the bathroom back into the office, the baby opened her big bright blue eyes and started talking again.  She started out by saying, "Time is change! Time is change!" and she said some more but she spoke so fast, I didn't catch what she said.

There were other women there and I asked if they caught what she said, but the younger woman said, "I was writing a letter, and I wasn't paying attention!"  The pad of paper on the table had a half written letter on it, so she was telling the truth.

I had already missed most of what the baby said, so I immediately thought about getting a tape recorder that starts as soon as a voice or noise is heard.

I picked up the baby again, tighter this time, and started walking up the hall back towards the steps.  As I walked up the 4 steps, an older man came in - a maintenance type - and I said, "My baby girl channels", and he said, "I don't have time for that kind of stuff."

I went out the door and met a black man and I said, "My baby girl can channel" and the black man said, "I only want to hear about Salvation!"

I turned away from him and hurriedly went back to my Father's house with the baby. knowing that I was going to have to take care of my children myself!