Dee Finney's blog - September 16, 2012 page 302 SPIRITUAL DREAMS AND CONVERSATIONS

NOTE: I came across this letter between myself and my spiritual teacher, and I thought it was interesting enough to publish.

10-20-89 DREAM - I was given a pink dress and then after a woman tried everything she could to steal my black shoes, I was given a pair of pink shoes to match my dress. I was also give a set of tools to go with them. They were green.

DREAM I gave birth to a son. Some men were trying to find me to take him away from me, but they couldn't find me."

10-21-89 - DREAM - I was in a Baptist Church. ( I belonged to one during this period of time) There were two lines of people, one in the center of church for communion and one to the right of the altar, waiting their turn to go behind the altar. I was in the line waiting to go behind the altar. I was wearing a long white nightgown and was barefoot. There was a high white step to go up. It was my turn to go up the step, but I couldn't go up the step without raising my gown above my knees, and no one would help me go up the step, so the line stopped.

The pastor was at the communion line in his shirt sleeves, carrying baskets of something from the church proper to behind the altar. (Money?)

10-23-89 DREAM - I gave birth to another baby. (Those twins came two days apart. That's labor. :-)

Then I went to a daycare center where the babies were 9 months to two years old. It was obvious which babies were going to be the troublemakers of the future. So, I chose those babies to play with and make them laugh to try to change their outlook on life.

TM: You have to address two weaknesses. Meditate to see what they are so as to help you master them.

DEE: Continuing the meditation: I saw an application for something that TM and I were applying for together. TM was on the left. I was on the right. (on the same level) The vision zeroed in on TM's half of the application and a voice said, "TM will no longer have to work in the physical after November 8th.)

I was unable to verify this in the Akasha. I was told to leave it alone. (TM eventually retired from that job)

Then I saw a female lion trying to jump over a fence. it only got half way. A voice said, "The Jewish are getting nowhere. The Lion of Judah can only get half way over the fence."

(The book of Revelation identifies Christ as the "Lion of Judah" The books of the early Bible identify Judah as the leader and lion of Judah and each leader of Judah's tribe thereafter.)

NOTE: Here are 35 articles about the "Lion of Judah" that Joe, I, and our physicist writer friend have done.

10-24-89 - DREAM - I was on my way to a wedding and I was attacked by a man who used a heavy object. He scraped my skin off on the right side of my neck and chipped my right collar bone in several places. The doctor said that the chips would fall out on their own in time. There was no treatment for it. It would have to heal itself. I woke up still feeling the pain.

NOTE: When you dream you can feel pain, it's not really a dream. It's a real astral experience. Also when you feel cold, or heat, or warmth, that means its an astral experience.

10-24-89 MEDITATION: Asking Marcus what the application for November 8th refers to.

Marcus response: I saw various accounting sheets with debits and credits. Then, I saw individual yellow accounting sheets in a book, flipping from page to page with a purple carbon sheet behind each one. There was not very much on each page. Each page was summarized in writing at the bottom. "Marcus never had much to say about TM's guilt."

TM's response to this meditation: "I take this that Marcus wanted to intervene on my behalf but was not allowed to. God Bless Marcus for trying.

10-25-89 MEDITATION: I went with Marcus to the High Mental level. I asked, "What do I have to do to make sure that I pass the criteria to make sure my application for November 8th is accepted?

Marcus response: "You must pass the test. It will be the hardest test you've ever had."

Marcus response: "You're only saying that because you don't know what is going to happen to you yet."

My answer: (My heart was beating weirdly at this point) Is this going to be in the physical?

My answer: (Knowing how I am about my meditations and reporting them promptly, I asked) Will I be able to write to him?

a: You and I were both accepted.
b: If not, has the time been allowed to extend, if so to what date?

Then began a long conversation about my failings as a person which went on and on until I felt angry and ready to quit trying altogether.

'As to the above, I saw an 'eight ball' move forward in a groove. To me, I sensed that everything regarding November 8th is moving forward as had been hoped for.'

10-25-89 - DREAM - I was with my friend Norman. He brought over a pitcher of red Kool Aid (Remember Jim Jones? and the Kool Aid?)
It had ice cubes in it. I poured it into two glasses and I noticed there were little sticks floating on top. I couldn't serve it with little sticks on it, so I took it to the sink to get rid of the sticks. I tried pouring a little off the top. I tried adding water, tried pouring a little off. The sticks remained. The Kool Aid was fading and becoming clearer and clearer. Finally, all that was left was two shot glasses full of water and the sticks were still there. There was no way to get rid of the sticks. There was no way to get rid of them unless I emptied the glasses completely and there was nothing left.

NOTE: Norman got emphysema quite badly, had 1 1/2 lungs removed, and finally died of the disease in 2006.

10-25-89 DREAM: I was with my friend Jim from work. We were together and I was carrying a baby and he was carrying a baby. Another man from work came to give instructions from work kand also a radio was on that I was listening to for instructions and having conversations. (It was a two-way radio) Jim didn't want anyone to know we were together, so he handed me his baby to care for oand slipped farther away from me, so no one would know that he cared for me.

10-25-89 - DREAM - I was in my 66th St. house which I consider my 'mental' house. I was just getting started with my apartment rental business and there was another man with me. There was some problem with the baby not finding any cereal in a new box and there was a long discussion about what might have happened, when suddenly my husband Edward appeared. He wanted to take right over and move right in. He hardly even acknowledged my presence. I went up to him and give him a kiss and he made no effort to return the kiss. I told him that kissing someone you love was very important, especially in our situation. He said, "I was busy!" I told him that there is nothing in life more important than love and expressing it. He said, "Not when I'm busy!" So I took all his stuff and threw it out of the house. He had not changed one iota.

10-25-89 NOON MEDITATION; This was a mish-mash of stuff because I was feeling ill. I asked how I could be healthier and thinner. I was told that I needed to exercise - physical lexercise, yoga exercise, breathing exercise, and mental and astral exercises. I have the time, so I guess I will start today. My weight is very uncomfortable. I gained 30 pounds since January. I had been 150-160 pounds living in Elgin, IL. Last year I went down from 195 to 155 during the year. I was so dizzy and sick and weak, my skin turned greyish and I ended up on disability. I, regained all that I lost. My dizziness and weakness is gone and I'm a healthy color again, but I'm so uncomfortable with this weight.

NOTE: Over the years, I actually got up to 276 pounds and felt so ill, I knew I had to lose weight. I gave up sugar and cheese, and my weight dropped quickly and over a year and a half, I got back down to 160. That feels pretty good now. (I'm also 20 years older)

The meditation I had yesterday said that my big test was going to be on the other levels. So far, its in the physical, but related to the other levels. Right now, I'd like to have the magical hexes I used to have because I called my new boss and he informed me that he's trying to sell this building. They own 6 other buildings on this street. If the other company bought this building, they wouldn't need me because they have three rental agents across the street that handle all six building. They could easily add on this one and I would be out of a job.

After they called me and begged me not to leave, then they would go ahead and sell it ri
ght out from under me.

I'm either going to have to pray that this company doesn't sell the building and the other company doesn't buy it, or that something opens up that I can jump right into. I don't know which way is best. Now I'm sorry I didn't jump out at another job I could have gotten, but I was too sick to handle it at the time.

Marcus said that this would be the toughest test I've even been though. I can see why. I'm terrified of the unknown. If I get dumped here, I have nowhere to go.

NOTE: After all that, I called up a previous boss and he offered me a job with him and dumped two guys he was unhappy with. I stayed with him until I moved to California in 1997.

Late at night, I started to get sick. All the glands in my head started to swell and my ears started to hurt on both sides of the ear drum. Each breath I took in was a searing pain.

I worked briefly with Marcus before going to sleep and my dreams were strangely about being sick. I woke up at 4 a.m. with similar symptoms and knew that I'd have to do something about them.

I used various prayers, colors, and other techninques for balancing the body, etc, and called in various beings and Master spirits. The symptoms eased and I went back to sleep. When I woke up in the morning, the symptoms were fairly well cleared up.

10-28-89 - DREAM - I was at work in Elgin, IL. I went to the basement to get the mail and while I was down there, I was going through file cabinets, looking at pictures of naked men and getting turned on. Then I went to a corner where my blankets were stacked and took them back to my office. My basket was so heavy with laundry (white and striped shirts) I could only take the big green blanket. I was gone from the the office so long, I was afraid I was going to be fired.

When I woke up in pain, I meditated with Marcus and went to the high astral healing temple. I was shown that his number was 21113. I saw myself as a white stove that was out of balance and he slid underneath me and balance me by putting a black shim the size of a 50 cent piece under one foot.

Earlier, I had been told that Marcus call number was 111, but 21113 got him to come even quicker.

11-12-89 - Dream: I was at my 16th street house. I was given the key and six brilliant door knobs to the dream video storage box next to my house by the front stairs. I went out front and got six video plates. If I used those up, there was another storage box behind my house, or I could use the key or the knobs to get into any other video storage box in the world.

11-15-89 - DREAM - I was walking along 17th and Clark streets with a man. I escorted him across the street talking about love and he seemed negative. I left him on the corner and went back to clear the way from the tracks so others would have easier going. I went back across the street and was now walking with a black man. Other black men were very angry and I was afraid, so I went up the stairs of a house and called 911 on the house phone on the porch. Within seconds I heard sirens, police, ambulance, and firemen then came marching along, along with the navy, army, airforce, and marines. I really felt protected.

I met my father and asked him if I could have the key to our house. He acted like I didn't belong there anymore and he said, "No!" I could feel my blood sugar dropping so I asked him if he would go with me and give me something to eat. He hesitated and then said, "No!" He then offered to buy me a cup of coffee at a restaurant. I knew that would make it worse in the long run, but I was getting desperate and woke up.

NOTE: I had to get up immediately and get a glass of milk to stave off my hypoglycemia

Dear TM. I failed today's test. The woman upstairs is a tiny, petite, black woman, who looks like a typical voo doo practitioner. (She is a fundamentalist Christian and listens to bellowing tapes of black Pentecostals). By some means, she always knows when I lay down to meditate and she immediately comes to the same spot over my head. There, the floor squeaks, pops, cracks sharply and is irritating at any time, but especially when I try to meditate.

She will stand there and rock back and forth from foot to foot. The floor goes 'snap, crack, crack, snap snap, creak, crack, crack, crack - on and on and on.

I have learned to ignore the heavy walking and floor creaking upstairs and loud music and dancing which goes on daily, but that one spot over my bedroom snaps sharply and that brings me back down from any level I might achieve. And if she stands there when I am starting, I may as well not even try. I can't leave the physical realm at all.

Thus, tonight, when I made the attempt to meditate, she stood over my head with the floor going snap, crack creak, snap, crack, creak, I lost it and yelled out loud, "Get off that spot, bitch."

I know she didn't hear me, but God did and so did Stan and I'm sure he was chuckling gleefully that he finally got to me.

DEE: I'm pretty sure I already sent you the early morning one in which Christ told me I need supervision.

At noon, he told me to finish the color chart I was working on and to prepare myself to teach classes on healing using color, sound and energy therapy.

I asked him how I was going to teach others healing when I was such a poor example. He said that I would be healed when the time was right.

He said that miraculous seeming healings are not due to the intensity of desire, nor the amount of faith, that illnesses are learning experiences, and miraculous healings are according to God's Will.

After my terrible outburst at my ceiling, I fell asleep and had a super dream and very strange vision. The dream is about my daughter-in-law Vicky who hasn't spoken to me in over five years.

DREAM: My son Mike and daughter-in-law Vicky and their two children (they only have one) were planning to move into my apartment building after November 25th which is when they get their first paycheck. They were moving in from Lake Philo.

Mike was wearing a peach and pink sweater which I had knit for him. Vicky was wearing a two-tone grey sweater, but her biggest desire was to have one exactly like Mikes.

I ran into the building to go get my book
s to see which apartment or which floor would be available for them. I determined that one on the third floor would be best and ran to get my book to mark it down and my daughter-in-law Becky ran after me, yelling, "Wait! Wait! Vicky wants to talk to you."

(I have not yet seen my grandchild, because she is so afraid of my husband Edward.

fpcomak.org/sermonhtms/2010-01-24.htm

Jan 24, 2010 – Gilbert West went to work on the resurrection and Lord Littleton on the... and is helpful in understanding the nature of the Holy Spirit's work in ...

Evidence of the Resurrection

www.jaspergacoc.com/.../tabid/314/Default.aspx

Two prominent Englishmen, Gilbert West and Lord Littleton found ... so they would know he was really a flesh and blood being rather than a spiritual apparition.

DEE

I woke up from the dream and while I was thinking about it, I had a vision of a man who was doing a marathon. He was doing a series of nearly impossible feats while falling through the air and going through incredible obstacles. Before he landed on the ground, he went through two wasp nests and they streamed after him. He landed safely, then jumped into the ocean to swim the last length. He was almost to the end of the course when he drowned. The picture said, "Mickey Reese drowns."

I haven't the foggiest notion of what that is, unless it is symbolic. That would make perfect sense then.

TM: Without even a written work, we know its full meaning. Say no more!

10-31-89

At 1:00 a.m. last night, I watched a program on prayer on the Catholic Cable network. The priest was lecturing on a deep prayer life. He said that you must 'feel' something when you are praying, or you are merely speaking worse and your prayer is not deep. he went on to explain that when he used the word 'feel' he didn't mean emotionally, although that might very well go along with it, but to 'feel' something deep in your soul, either joy, grief, or pain.

He used many references from Psalms and it came to me that I should begin with Psalm 1, and not merely read them, but contemplate carefully on each one until I understand and/or felt each one, before going on to the next.

TM: The word 'feel' meant to experience a sense of reverence, not to feel good = astral.

NOTE: I did spend some time collecting books on Psalms, and read some of them, but never did what I suggested - to study them reverently. I still have those books in my bookcase. So I could still do that.

DEE: I went to bed so late that I didn't meditate,, but the dream I had was very significant.

I was walking down a street with another woman. W.V. Grant (a very popular evangelistic healing preacher) was dressed as a priest. He said, "Wait! I'll get your book for you." He then went into a school and I was excited to find out what kind of book it would be.

He came out again and handed a Bible to me.

I looked at the book cover and saw that it was my own Bible and that I had written the date 1973 on the back flyleaf.

TM: Up to the year, it seems obvious that there will be Bible reference in your work.

DEE: In the next dream, I was moving into a new apartment in a school. (I'm constantly moving into new apartments in my dreams)

The apartment needed cleaning and it needed to be rewired for the telephone. I began by scrubbing down the walls.

The telephone wireman arrived and he seemed to take a personal interest in me. Later on, during the lunch break, I was sitting outside with several other people, women and children, who were standing around, waiting for me to tell them what to do next.

The telephone wireman came along the sidewalk, followed by a group of men. He began pitching apples at me, not to hit me, but to just miss me, to tease me.

I didn't want to show too much interest, so I pretended not to notice, but when he and his group turned to cross the street to go towards a group of beautiful ducks, I and my group began to follow him.

TM: Jesuits are supposed to be part of the Black Brotherhood - speaking astrally - not physically.

Black Brotherhood - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Brotherhood

The Black Brotherhood was an urban society (or militia) established in Toulouse in 1211 in response to the White Brotherhood led by the bishop Folquet de ...

10-31-89 - almost noon

Susan LaVey and Nicholas Schreck are on Sally Jessy Raphael TV show. They are both very articulate and gentle people, not at all like the horrid things one reads in the paper. They do not espouse the many things one reads about. Obviously, a pure Satanist is not what we read about. There are many forms of Satanisms as there are of Christians.

TM: Susan LeVey's Father is reported to have been: A Sanhedrin, for Xist, Crucifixion - Anti-Christ

b: St. Ignatius of Loyola - founder of the Jesuits. - Anti Father

c. Lenin of Russia - Anti Holy Spirit

d. Anton LaVey - Anti Mother

Anton LaVey - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anton_LaVey

Anton Szandor LaVey (April 11, 1930 – October 29, 1997), born Howard Stanton Levey, was the founder of the Church of Satan

In the late 1960s and early 1970s, LaVey melded ideological influences from Friedrich Nietzsche, Ayn Rand,^[14] Aleister Crowley,^[15] H.L. Mencken, and Jack London with the ideology and ritual practices of the Church of Satan.

Illuminati News: The Shadow Government aka the Illuminati

www.illuminati-news.com/shadow-gov.htm

Zagami's initiation into the Secret Order of Saint Benedict ... The Foundation of the infernal Empire of Anton LaVey and George H. Bush ..... apparent disappearance of the Great Sanhedrin, the International government of the Jews. .... it was first founded by Ignatius of Loyola of Spain in 1534 during the reign of Pope Paul III, ...

**Spiritual History of Piscean Age

www.scribd.com/doc/45485477/Spiritual-History-of-Piscean-Age

If we look at the last embodiments of Saint Germain, he tremendously ..... Mrs. Innocente included Ignatius of Loyola the Thrice Foul, I find it sobering. Kuthumi in his 1976 Pearls says Loyola was part of the evil Sanhedrin who plotted Jesus' ...... key embodiments, as Lenin and Anton LaVey, founder of the Church of Satan.

The Occult Masonic Temple God

www.scribd.com/doc/4096094/The-Occult-Masonic-Temple-God

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Jul 25, 2008 – Name of Consistory ~ ~ Language Location Sanhedrin Hebrew Tel Aviv ... representing Saint John the Baptist and Saint John the Evangelist, upon top rest ... the trials of Ignatius, Polycarp, Justin, and Irenæus; and sufferings of the wretched ..... According to Anton LaVey, founder of the Church of Satan, ...
Are Catholics part of the elite? [Archive] - David Icke's Official ...

www.davidicke.com › ... › Main Forums ›

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Jul 6, 2008 – Wall st and the Bolshevik revolution. ...... Sanhedrin 55b. ..... But there is no difference between “white” witches and “black” witches, according to Satanists, including Anton LaVey, the late leader of the ..... founded by Saint Ignatius Loyola. ... "Ignatius Loyola", the founder began his self-reform, and the ...

DEE: There was also a feminist Witch on the Sally Jesse Raphael show. I disliked her more than the Satanists. She is a pro-abortionist.

A pure Satanist would not destroy their own children. That is the only way other pure Satanists can occur. They are born, not converted.

It's a big subject, the pure Satanist is not the baby killing group they are purported to be. They celebrate life.

NOTE: Since I wrote that, I have heard of Satanist groups (not pure Satanists) who bear children just to be sacrificed to purported Reptilians. They are mainly bankers, politicians and Royalty from various countries.

DEE: That does not mean I approve of them, but I see now, a little clearer, the difference between what the newspaper say and what they really are.

TM: Your analysis is appreciated.

NOTE: There might be another missing page her, which I will type in if I find it.

DEE: The following two pages do not agree as to the death date, I'm assuming are the same man. Following the article, I was writing about Mary Magdalen and her relationship with Jesus and her relationship with Gaius Flaccus. Neither of these death dates, not obviously birth dates would coincide with the story and life of Jesus. The missing page probably better explains what this is about. I hope I find it soon.

Later in my letter, I revealed that I got this information from a book titled: "The Galileans" by Frank Slaughter.

Gaius Valerius Flaccus

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaius_Valerius_Flaccus

Gaius Valerius Flaccus (Setinus Balbus) (died c. AD 90) was a Roman poet who flourished in the "Silver Age" under the emperors Vespasian and Titus and ...

Recent scholarship - Notes - Some editions - Thematic bibliography

DEE: Mary Magdalen accepted the teachings of Jesus and prayed for Gaius Flaccus even though she lived with him and he beat her and let his male friends use her for their pleasures.

About seven months later, Gaius Flaccus was hurt in an accident and died, thus freeing all his slaves along with Mary, Mary and Joseph of Galilee were then free to love each other. Mary then went into retreat at her own home to cleanse her body and soul through prayer and meditation in the Jewish way.

The next day, the Jews wanted to stone Mary for her life with Gaius, but Jesus saved her.

Mary told Joseph then that when Jesus told her to "Go and sin no more," she knew that she had to follow him.

Joseph had planned to marry her now, but she said, "Some things must be put above human wishes."

DEE: Description of Judas of Keriot (also known as Iscariot) Tall, prominent cheek bones, a jutting beak of a nose, burning eyes, hair going grey at the temples. It was a face not easily forgotten. He was a Zealot, a Galilean fanatic, which group had also been with Judas, the Gaulonite, who had claimed to be the Messiah previous to Jesus coming. Judas, the Gaulonite had been put to death by Herod and 2,000 Jews who followed him were slain also.

Simon the Zealot was not the real leader of the group. Judas of Keriot/Iscariot told Simon what to say, what to do. They wanted Jesus to be an earthly King, just as they had supported Judas of Gaulonite before him to be an earthly King.

Mary seemed to be the one who understood that Jesus came to establish the kingdom of God in men's hearts. She was the leader of the women followers and she was closest to him. She served Him personally.

Jesus showed anger against the Pharisees and in the temple against the moneychangers.

NOTE: I have found out recently that the Jesus and the moneychangers was a different Jesus.

Mary was chosen to be the first one Christ chose to appear to after He left the tomb. Joseph of Galilee, her betrothed was second.

DEE: She had the faith that he would rise from the dead. Joseph had not. Cleopas was with Joseph and spoke at length to Christ, but he did not recognize him.

My question is: Is Gaius Flaccus alive now? Is Joseph alive now? I feel that they are, but where? I don't believe there was any karma from Mary to Gaius, but there was in reverse. Was that worked out prior to now? I would think that it had been.

DEE: I never did ask that, but what is extremely strange is the way Joe and I met on the internet in 1997. I had seen him coming several times in visions and dreams since 1991. I was always looking for him - not knowing it was possible to meet long distance like we did.

Having finished "The Galileans" by Frank Slaughter, I am now going to read, "Saint Catherine of Siena" by Johannes Jorgenson. The author says "This book is a companion book to my "Life of Saint Francis of Assisi."

Frank Slaughter - the author - says, "I must confess that at first I felt less in sympathy with Catherine of Siena and somewhat of a domineering spirit, an element of tyranny that was repugnant to me. Her perpetual and very feminine, "I will" is in absolute contrast to the gentle Umbrian who preferred to see his life work fail rather than make use of power and authority. This Catherine was never afraid to do, but that is why, I imagine, her last hour was less peaceful than that of Francis of Assissi. At her death, her conscience, which became the devil's advocate when the light of the world truth begins to shine in the soul and eternity appears in all its overwhelming reality, whispered to her that the work of her whole life had been inspired only by obstinacy and vanity.

Catherine of Sienna says, "neither the Creator nor the creature is ever without love. The soul cannot live without loving, for we must love either God or the world. And the soul always unitese with that which it loves, and is transformed by it. But if the soul love the world it only gains suffering, for there it finds only tribulation and bitter thorns. And the soul is always sorrowful and cannot endure itself. But God is the highest and etermnal sweetness and the soul which receives God grace is satisfied and content, foro the hunger of the soul cannot be oppressed by anything but God, because He is greater than it, but the soul is greater than all created things. Therefore all that this world contins cannot satisfy man, for it is all poorer than man. And we were not created to eat dust.

DEE SAYS: What is wrong with crying after receiving Holy Communion? Catherine was chastised for it.

I remember crying each time I received communion in church last year. I felt so unworthy to receive it and yet so joyful at the samem time to receive Him into myself.

I used to be so troubled over "transubstantiation" when I was a Catholic because I didn't believe it happened. I believed it could, but didn't believe that it 'was' at that time. Now, no matter what church, I believe it is. (For me)

Thomism - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

DEE: I'm sorry, but I have changed my mind about the Catholic church completely and feel compelled to do so. When the Catholic church stopped using the Latin Mass and went to all English services, the whole demeanor of the Mass changed. Some years later, when I and my family went to a Lutheran church, I couldn't tell the difference between the Catholic church Mass and the Lutheran service. The solomness of the Latin Mass was completely gone and ripped away from humanity when they changed.

The Eastern Orthodox Church, Oriental Orthodox Church, and Church of the East have sometimes used the term "transubstantiation" (metousiosis); however, terms such as "divine mystery", "trans-elementation" (μεταστοιχείωσις metastoicheiosis), "re-ordination" (μεταρρύθμισις metarrhythmisis), or simply "change" (μεταβολή) are more common among them.

Transubstantiation

DEE: Catherine was later blessed with "second sight" She would have visions of other people and what they were doing. (astral travel) Shew as able to chastise them for their sins. (I don't think that's such a good thing to do. In doing that, people would avoid you like the plague.

10-31-89 DREAM I was in a huge dormitory-like room. It had been remodeled and paneled so that the heat ducts had been blocked. The man there wanted me to help him find where it was blocked. I ran my left hand along the walls to feel the hot or cold spots, but I couldn't see out of my left eye, so I couldn't see if there were any defects in the construction. (There was a patch over my left eye.)

DEE: This is an interesting dream because it came true over time. In 2012, I had surgery in my left eye to remove the old lens and put in a new one because I couldn't see hardly anything anymore. All I could see was LIGHT. Now, after surgery, I'm back to 20-20 vision without glasses, thanks to an eye doctor who studied how to fix people's eyes. He is a miracle worker in my estimation.

DEE: So much for that. I'm very disappointed with my meditations. I either end up spaced out, or in a long conversations intellectually. Very few visions. The intellectual conversations are like I'm talking with my own conscience or higher self. I'm tougher on myself than anyone else could possibly be. But who wants to hear what I say to myself? Everyone else has their own conscience/higher self to talk to.

I just want to 'hear' or 'see' revelations from on high. Sometimes, I get the urge to 'demand' a vision, like I do when I ask to see the 'feet' of a being to make sure it's not a demon. (Demon's won't show you their feet because they are deformed.) I also ask to see the feet if I want a vision or voice repeated.

TM: You don't have to remain passive. You can 'command' to be shown things you wouldn't otherwise know or see. Command it, and then 'let go'. Whatever is required to use your tools and skills for.

Another question: When people pray for hours and hours, what do they pray about? I never figured that out.

DEE: It is no wonder I get depressed. It doesn't seem that anything is going well. Even though my job had gone well in the long run, it's been a tough struggle and continues to be so.

Nothing is easy. Nothing is pleasant. Nothing is fun. Where is the pleasure. Where is the love?

I've looked over my whole life and only found fleeting moments when life had joy. It looks as though my friend June's pessimistic atitude and my friend Norman's negative outlook are rubbing off on me. June always says, "5 minutes of pleasure, you get 5 years of pain." That's exactly what it looks like.

The opportunity to give healing, balance, knowing love, peace to a work sorely in need of it.

To be able to tell verbally, Xist, Marcus, Babaji how much you love and care for them.

10-31-89 - NOON MEDITATION: Christ told me that while I am learning to heal, that I am healing myself.

He said that I am to gather together all the information regarding sound, color, energies, food, etc. (including imagery) that are used to heal specific illnesses. Thus, when I have it all together, I am to write it all up and teach classes in healing and as a result I will heal myself.

If I live long enough to do all of this, it'll be great. I remember doing all this once before. I wonder what happened to that. I remember typing up sheet on specific diseases. I don't know if I handed them out or kept them all myself. They probably ended up in Washington State or California with all my other files that got lost when I moved.

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