In the house of life I wander
"For you shall not go out in haste,
KYRIE ELEISON - A DREAM
by Dee Finney
It seems that I was married to my Father OR that my husband and Father were as one. There were some humiliating episodes where my husband demanded something I had and I told him I would hide it in my womb. He said he would take it from me right in front of my friends if I didn't give it to him willingly,so I did. My friends were humiliated for me too.
Then there was a scene where my husband took me to a two story building. He left me in the car while he went inside to do something. I had a mystery novel in the car with me plus another book. I told him he acted like his life was a mystery novel.
I followed him upstairs where he had gone into an upper room. I couldn't see in there and he didn't see me, but he knew I was a witness to him killing another man in the upper room. There were two other men with me in the hallway who were witnesses to this also.
He took me home then to our 16th St. house. He left me with my mother while he went out to the garage to do something.
I knew that if I didn't leave, I'd end up like the man in the upper room. So, I quietly got my two books. One was an address book. I was trying to find where my friend Pat lived because I knew it wouldn't be fair to ask my cousin Shirley to take me in. She had two little children to worry about.
I looked through the address book to find Pat's address. I knew it was somewhere between 81st and 89th Sts. somewhere. I decided to worry about that later.
As I gathered my things together to leave before my Father came in from the garage, I overheard some girls say there was an Indian man down at the farmer's market who painted portraits and they were hoping he would choose them to model for them. I remembered my vision of the Indian man from yesterday and knew he was my guide. I knew I needed to see the Indian man if I could before I went to find Pat and ask her to take me in.
I sneaked upstairs to find my clothes and saw my traveling bags and a laundry basket on the landing by the stained glass window. They were still more or less still packed from the last time I had run away from home in another humiliating episode.
I knew I couldn't linger because it would mean my death. My sweater coat was laying there, my Joseph's coat of many colors so I slipped that on, picked up my two suitcases, slung a third large bag over my shoulder, put my two books under my arm and started tip-toeing down the stairs.
I got down to the 1st floor and my mother was in the kitchen area watching the yellow labrador dog miscarry her puppies. My mother was crying. I didn't want my mother to have to watch that happen so I grabbed a cup that was dripping yellow stuff which was the puppies melting. I took it away from her and took it with me.
My mother realized too late what I was doing...that I was leaving for the last time and she'd never see me again.
I ran out the door with the dripping yellow puppies which left a trail I knew my Father could follow, but I had to do this or die.
I could hear my mother screaming after me,"Dolores! Nooooooo!" her 'o' echoing in my ears as I watched the trail of yellow puppy goo drip out of the cup as I ran across the street and between two trees standing tall in the yard of the house on the other side of the road.
As I ran up a red brick stairway which was supposed to be the alley heading east, I was counting the steps, and hearing music at the same time. I was hearing the song Kyrie Eleison by Mr. Mister over and over in my ears, and me, the dripping puppy cup and my stuff went upward. It was a tough climb and I was getting out of breath. I counted the steps up to 110 and there was 1 more step to go...knowing the top step was 111. I woke up as I made the last step.
NOTE: Kyrie Eleison means "God have Mercy"
Kyrie - Mr. Mister
The wind blows hard against this mountainside
Across the sea into my soul
It reaches into where I cannot hide
Setting my feet upon the road
My heart is old it holds my memories
My baby burns a gemlike flame
Somewhere between the soul and soft machine
Is where I find myself again
Down the road that I must travel
Through the darkness of the night
Where I'm going will you follow
On a highway in the light
When I was young I thought of growing old
Of what my life would mean to me
Would I have followed down my chosen road
Or only wished what I could be
Humanity On The Pollen Path